Akoo is a wonderful torture device.

This is the shizz.

Next time you're at your local mall's food court, check to see if it has various tv monitors and the sound system hooked up to Akoo. Akoo is a video music service that allows you to use your mobile phone to text your video requests in and then see them get played.

Of course, the real thrill is setting up your own account at MyAkoo and making requests remotely. Yes, you don't even have to be at the mall to enjoy abusing the service. I routinely enjoy setting up a long queue of absolutely shitty country music videos that will be be played to the food court's patrons and hopefully ruining their otherwise joyful meals.

Now, when I'm actually at the food court, I take it upon myself to request things I actually like, which most of today's mallrats probably won't, so it's still a ton of fun. Anyway, give Akoo a shot and see what terrible experiments you can try out as well. You're guaranteed to at ruin at least one person's day with some crappy music, and that's always a good time.

In honor of the surviving members of Pink Floyd finally putting their arguments to rest...

Here's a lovely video of some dudes covering "Comfortably Numb," the likes of which you've never heard.  Or seen.

"Comfortably Shit" is more like it.

Two Legendary and Weird Rock 'N' Roll Moments

He had an idea.  Oh, yes.

1. Elvis Presley's "naughty first take" of "Blue Suede Shoes"

Elvis always had a randy sense of humor, and this was quite evident in some recent unearthed tapes of him recording Carl Perkins' "Blue Suede Shoes," which, of course became a big hit for him. But Elvis's first few attempts had him wanting to sing one of the lines a bit differently. The following is studio chatter between Elvis and the recording engineer.

Elvis: "Hey man, let's do something different with this one line."

Engineer: "Which one?"

EP: "Right here, where it goes 'You can burn my house, steal my car, drink my liquor from an old fruit jar.'"

E:  "OK, what did you have in mind?"

EP: "I thought it'd be better if I sang "Drink my pee pee from an old fruit jar."

E: "What?"

EP: "Yeah."

E: "I don't...I don't quite...'Drink my pee pee from an old fruit jar'?"

EP: "Yeah, man. Let's just try it. I wanna hear it that way and if it's no good we'll take it straight."

E: "All right...'Blue Suede Shoes, Take One.'"

And so Elvis runs through three incomplete takes of this version with everyone else busting out laughing every time. Apparently, Presley wasn't amused.

EP: "I don't know what you're laughin' at. This is probably gonna be a hit!"

Two more aborted attempts later, Elvis decides to record it the way it was written. The rest is history.

Sing about it loud and proud, Robert.

2. Led Zeppelin's sound check of "In My Time of Dying" in Chicago

Led Zep had been working and re-working "In My Time of Dying" for quite a while by the time this chestnut was recorded during a sound check in Chicago. During the big part where Robert Plant usually started his "Oh my Jesus" plea, this time he had a different idea.

"I'm gonna go for it all this time, Jonesy!" he says excitedly. Next thing you know, Plant starts chanting the following mantra, 15 times in a row:

"Oh my penis! Oh my penis! Oh my penis! Whoa my penis!"

This seemed more like something Jim Morrison would have done, but the band went right along with it, not missing a beat. After the song ends, Plant says,

"I'm all sticky. Yeah, groovy."

Weird.

Weird As Ever

My old pal Rollo Scarborough has recently opened up a new blog for anyone who's interested.  Because I'm groovy, and I pimp shit like that, check out Weird As Ever. Dig it.

Simulated Wood Grain Finish

This shit spread like herpes.

Kids today just don't know what they're missing sometimes.  I see the youth wax nostalgic for things like the '80s from time to time but they don't know the half of it.  The '80s were OK, I suppose, but nothing could beat the '70s and its fascination with "simulated wood grain finish."  A wood finish was the mark of having really made it back then, much more so than fine Corinthian leather or even a coke spoon.  No, man.  Wood grain was where it was at, and the best thing was you didn't even have to be rich to be able to afford its luxury.  Hence, "simulated wood grain finish."

TV manufacturer Zenith really stood by the simulation.  Hell, my folks had a big-ass Zenith color TV that came in a huge chunk of simulated wood destined to give everyone else on our street wood grain envy.  Even stereo manufacturers were getting in on the sexy faux wood action.  Lord knows all of this crap really went well with the vomit-colored shag carpeting and simulated wood grain walls we had in the den back in those days.

You could even wear it on your skull.

Some dudes even began sporting simulated wood grain hairdos.  Crazy, I know, but this stuff was blowing up and people were cashing in.  Hell, even auto makers were putting strips of the shit on the sides of their models to attract the discriminating driver.  You weren't anyone if your ride wasn't sporting some simulated grain, even if it made no sense whatsoever.

But my very favorite item that had simulated wood grain finish was the original Atari VCS.  Oh yes, I knew I was in the big time because my console looked like a fancy piece of furniture!  Screw Intellivision and ColecoVision and Magnavox's Odyssey 2.  Who cares which one had better graphics or games?  The Atari had the grain, baby, and that's all that mattered.  Of course, sometime in the early '80s there Atari decided to ditch the grain and go with a shinier black trim on the front.  It made sense, but it wasn't as swank.

The sexy beast.

Nowadays you can buy all sorts of cheap fiberboard crap (mainly at IKEA) that sometimes sports simulated wood grain, but it's not the same.  No one equates the stuff with awesomeness anymore.  You just look at it and go, "No, I want some real wood."  I can't blame anyone with this attitude.  I just hope it doesn't all make an ironically nostalgic comeback and begin getting popular with kids who shop at Hot Topic.  That would certainly signal the end of days right there.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Bowie's David Live and Stage

David Bowie

David Live

Rating: ****

Probably the most infamous Bowie cover shot as it catches him in the act of cutting a fart at the end of "Rebel, Rebel."  I wish I had been there.  I've known some people who were and they said the fart was very audible over the P.A.  As if he wanted to be caught, you know. They said after he did it he kind of smiled and did this twirl and continued along like nothing happened.  But thankfully the music historians and photographer for this album have kept the truth alive.  I wonder what a cocaine fart smells like, and if you can get high from it. 

David Bowie

Stage

Rating: ****

Unlike the cover for David Live, the cover shot for Stage doesn't catch Bowie in the act of farting in front of the audience.  However, as every Bowie fan knows, the picture is a picture of him sweet talking a mother and daughter in the audience between songs (this bit has been infamously clipped from all versions of this album). The transcript of that dialogue is as follows:

Bowie: And how are you two tonight?

Mother: We're great!  So great to finally see you!

Bowie (to daughter): How old is she?

Mother: 17!

Bowie: You know, I've recently been cleaning up (crowd alternately boos and cheers), but one thing that hasn't cleaned up is my naughtiness.  Do you two fancy some "Sweet Thing?"  (crowd goes wild)

Mother and daughter unanimously:  YES!

Bowie: See me after the show then!

A yell of "I wanna fuck you, David!" comes from the audience.  David erroneously hears it as "Fuck you!" and shouts back "Eat it long!"  The band then tears into "Station To Station."

More podcast goodness.

Hey, hey!  Hoy, hoy!  There is a new podcast episode over at the Camel Ike Podcast Page Thingy. If you haven't subscribed yet, do it or you will have onion breath 4-Eva as the kids say. Whatevs.

Nazz 2.0

Why?

A few years back, former lead singer of fave late '60s cult group Nazz, Stewkey Antoni, decided it would be a good idea to actually bring the band back to the future.  Only problem was, he was the only one who felt this way.  The rest of the group, including cult-figure-who-still-had-hits Todd Rundgren were nowhere to be found.  Who could blame them?  Sure, fans of Todd's are also often fans of Nazz, but when the group was originally on the scene, they were but a blip on the overall radar despite very good reviews as well as albums.

But according to an interview with Stewkey, he had been wanting to redo Nazz for a while.  Health problems sidelined him, but eventually he got back and with a few other dudes in tow, started playing live gigs and trotting out old chestnuts like "Hello, It's Me," "Under the Ice," "Open My Eyes," and "Wildwood Blues" along with newer tracks like "Baby Godzilla."

Nazz 2.0 even went to some trouble making a short promo film to go along with their return:

Nazz promo (embedding disabled)

The big question to all of this is why? If you go to Stewkey's website, the last thing that happened was in 2008. Did the bottom fall out once again for the group, or was it just a matter of no one caring? Did Stewkey have humble aspirations or did he hope to take Nazz higher than before? How distressing is it to have been in a band that could have made it, and then left another band that later became Cheap Trick and did make it?

You got me.

Five Albums with Cover Art That Disturbed Me As a Kid

Fans of the vinyl LP often bemoan the fact that they no longer get a nice sleeve with big pretty pictures upon which to gaze when listening to new tunes. I can understand that, but at the same time I remember a few times when I was freaked out by an LP's cover art. Mind you, this was when I was a kid and my little mind was fresh for the taking when it came to rock and roll imagery I could never unsee. So let us celebrate a few of those examples now, which will undoubtedly be more amusing than wiggy.

Paul McCartney and Wings

Red Rose Speedway

I remember distinctly not liking this photo of Paulie with a big rose shoved in his mouth. I think it was also the expression on his face that to me looked like he wasn't enjoying that at all and may indeed be suffocating from it. Nowadays I find his mullet from this period to be more disturbing, with his wife Linda's even more so.

Nazareth

Hair of the Dog

This is exactly the kind of shit that can freak the mind out of a four or five-year-old's skull when they're gazing at it in full LP size.  Sure, from an older person's point of view it's just plain shitty, but this whatever-the-hell-it-is creature is the kinda crap that could jump out of your closet at night and make you listen to "Love Hurts" as it poked at your flesh with its pointy bits.   Not fun at all.

AC/DC

Powerage

I completely recall the first time I ever saw this cover.  I was a wee lad and was popping a squat on the toilet.  Somehow the bathroom door wound up opening and I looked out to my left into my brother's bedroom.  There in the dark, only lit from the natural ambient light floating in was Angus Young screaming violently in pain since his hands had been torn off and replaced with...wires.  Hmmm.  OK, yeah, well, it was the look on his face more than the wires that got to me.  Had I just gone in there and turned the album over to see the back cover photo of the band goofing off...I probably still would have been freaked.

UFO
Obsession

My brother had this one as well (actually he owned all of these except the last one in the list).  I would love just sitting and flipping through his box of albums and looking at the cover photos.  That is, until the one day this one showed up.  This fucking shit scared the fucking shit out of me when it suddenly appeared.  Why did those dudes have weird-ass silver balls covering up their facial bits?  Why was the dude in the back just standing there not caring?  Were they on a UFO?  Were the dudes in the front evil?  Were they going to hurt the dude in the back?  I didn't know and I quickly stopped looking at it.  Again, these days it just looks like shit.

Ozzy Osbourne
Speak of the Devil

I saw this one in a record store when it was new and I didn't like it.  I didn't like it when weird shit was coming out of dude's mouths.  I thought, "This guy must be pure evil."  Of course, this was the early '80s right before the PMRC came along and did indeed try to convince parents that dudes like Ozzy were not good for their kids.  Later on, I realized that he wasn't evil at all and made some groovy tunes on his own and with Black Sabbath.  It's still a crap cover, though.

New podcast episode is alive and well!

And so is this blog, dammit! Sorry, was bit of a wacky last week so the posts weren't as plentiful. Anyway, after a couple weeks out, there is a new Camel Ike podcast episode ready to enjoy. Lots of groovy tunes packed in there, so please dig it, won't you?

Lou Reed: Hater of Beatles and British rock in general.

Oh, Lou, how I love thee.  Your way of saying anything outrageous in a deadpan manner has always been your trademark.  Let's forget all about how you recorded your first three albums over in England and have also been quoted in regards to your love for how the Beatles wrote so many groovy tunes.  And how Bowie basically gave you a career.  You rock, Lou.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Billy Joel's The Stranger

Billy Joel

The Stranger

Rating: *****

I used to have a sheet set just like the one on Billy's bed there on the front cover.  I didn't have an awesome mask to ponder, however.  Billy looks at the mask and wonders if it was the right thing to have next to him, having already decided that his old boxing gloves were a nice touch on the back wall.  Perhaps the mask is too much.  He gets paranoid.  He remembers that he forgot to put on his shoes.  He wonders why he went to bed in his suit. The mask wants a kiss.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - The Velvet Underground's Another View

The Velvet Underground

Another View

Rating: *** 1/2

Once again Moe Tucker gets the shaft and is barely visible behind the V here.  Livin' down in Georgia workin' at Wal-Mart and peepin' out behind the V.  Do you think people who might stumble across a VU album at Wal-Mart check out through Moe's line and make the connection?  Standing there with the CD and a cartload of NASCAR shit, live bait, some cookies from the bakery and assorted shirts that say such things as "Hottie," "Sexy Grandma," and "Hugs Are Best From Best Friends."  That's true utopia, my friends.

(Still) talkin' 'bout The Who.

Hey! I must just be right on time or ahead of the curve or whatever. I dunno, call me crazy. But you remember before, right down there, when I was talking about how many damn times The Who's biggest tracks have been regurgitated by Universal Music? Well, if you've been waiting for yet another, have I got news for you. let me introduce you to Universal's Icon series, one of which features our heroes:

This little number is known as Icon 1.  Because if that's not enough, then hold your hats because...

Yes!  It's Icon 2, which is just Icon 1 with a second disc of hits larded on!  And yeah, that's the same freakin' artwork from the old Who's Better, Who's Best compilation that came out in the late '80s.  Future generations are going to get the idea that The Who actually never recorded any full-length albums, and instead merely crapped out compilations over and over of the same 12-24 tracks.

Now that's some mileage, kids.