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| Durr-HURR, Ben. So freakin' hilarious. |
Dear Me,
Why the fuck did I ever like Ben Folds? I mean, c'mon. The dude's a drag. Sure, I played his first album quite a bit into the ground, but I don't think I could ever sit through the entire thing ever again. I'll give it up for his bouncy pop shit on that one. Let's go ahead and say the first seven tracks are still solid. But after that, I'm calling it quits.
Then there was that second album. The only thing I like on that is "Song for the Dumped." The rest is bogus, Jack. Of course, fame came a-calling with his abortion ode "Brick," and that's the precise moment when he got boring. The same thing happened to Elton John, you know. Once upon a time the guy could rock and pop with the best of 'em, then suddenly he decided to just stop and become middle of the road.
Folds did just that with that miserable third album. The hardcore fans call it is best, but I just call it boring. There's no fun to be had with Reinhold Messner, and of course after the Five called it quits after the album, they naturally reunited later to play some one-offs of the entire LP. Shit, I'd rather sit through some Fergie. You're at least guaranteed some bounce there.
The "solo" stuff has been no better, with perhaps the smarm of "Rockin' the Suburbs" being any real highlight. What gets me is people are waiting for him to "get back." Ladies and gentlemen, the dude has nowhere to return. He can play a mean pianie, but he chooses to write boring songs on which to play it.
I even saw him live and walked out on the show. And for the record, my version of "Bitches Ain't Shit" is far funnier in an ironic white dork singing a sexist rap tune way.
Sincerely,
You
