Another one for the kids.

Hey if you liked that last song to sing to the kids, you'll be sure to enjoy this one just as much.  Check it out!

"Rodney Allen Rippy's House" (sung to the tune of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin)

Let's go to Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
It's cool! Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
You'll drool @ Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
Yo, fool! It's Rodney Allen Rippy's house!

(c)2011 by Jason Thompson

Something for the kids.

Hey, parents, siblings, and babysitters!  If you're having trouble with crying or fussy kids, or just want to entertain them, here's a new lyric I've written that really wows them every time.  See if it works for you as well!

"Rip"

We're going to take a ride
So get those tires pumped up!
We're going to have some fun
Like you've never had before!

We're going to Rip Taylor's house!

Uncle Rippy will make you laugh and scream
He'll throw confetti all over you
And then almost lose his wig

We're going to Rip Taylor's house
Where the hell's Rip Taylor's house?
I don't care if you don't know
Who Rip Taylor is

(c) 2011 by Jason Thompson

"Rock and Roll"

"Rock and Roll"

Rock is
Getting your cock sucked
By a huge laser beam
While explosions and smoke bombs
Go off

Roll is
Seeing Rodney Bingenheimer
In denial
About his hair

Rock is
Slutty old '80s groupies
Still trying to get fucked
At the county fair
By the members of L.A. Guns

Roll is
Carnie Wilson getting naked
Post-op in Playboy
And no one caring
Then getting fat again
And still no one caring

Rock is dead
Roll is tasty

(c) 2011 by Jason Thompson

More Ark Music Factory "artists."

So after diving ankle-deep into Rebecca Black's abysmal "Friday," I had a look at the other silly little girls making "music" thanks to Ark Music Factory. The company's name is apt, as each of these songs is interchangeable with more than a couple featuring the "ARK" name intoned at the beginning of the fricking song.

Which leads me to ask, if you're the rich-ass parents of these kids sending them off to record shitty music in hopes that you can then ride their coattails to fame and fortune, why the hell would you pay to have a song written and recorded that does nothing but promote the so-called "label" (which it isn't) in the actual song? All I can say is please stop wasting your money, even if you have it to waste. Your kids aren't going to make it like this. If they have real talent, help them nurture it and encourage it, but don't go whoring them out just because the music business is currently in its death throes and will give head to anything with an auto-tuned vocal in it. That's part of the reason why the biz is in the shitter. But you wouldn't know anything about that because you're too eager to cash in your own kid's happiness for your gain. Fuck all y'all.

Anyway, here's four more terrible Ark products for you to compare. Alana Lee's "Butterflies," Abby Victor's "Crush On You," and Sarah Maugaotega's "Take It Easy." Then get ready to top it off with the frightening "Ordinary Pop Star" sun by CJ Fam. One of the YouTube commenters writes, "This is the next radio masterpiece. soon everyone will know of CJ's true skill. I have heard this girl sing live, she is no fake.  The real deal."

"True skill"? More like true disaster. Enjoy your parents' dementia, kids.

That whole Rebecca Black and her "Friday" thing.

I know. Another blogger talking about this chick who really can't sing at all and her terrible song that her mom lovingly got for her to record and the evil Ark music dudes who are going to reap the "benefit." Well, this isn't about all those things, per se.

What it is about is the video of Rebecca appearing on Good Morning America performing the song. And it's not so much the song I want you to focus on the people in her band and the dude who gives the high-five to someone off camera after the second round of "partyin'" or whatever the hell that bit is.

Was the high-five really done as some sort of gesture of "Yeah we did it!" mentality, or was it more of a "Yeah, I can't believe this garbage is really popular!"? Whatever the case may be, I seriously need to start figuring out how I can literally become famous overnight on YouTube and finally make my fortune.

Camel Ike podcast births again!

I'm a couple days late posting about it here. Yes, what kind of blogsmith am I, right? But, feel free to head on over to the Camel Ike podcast page for another groovy episode of music to dig. Rock on.

I have finally seen the worst movie ever.

People love movies that are so bad they're good. Two of my faves are The Van featuring Danny DeVito and nobody else and Stallone's Cobra, which has dialogue you can quote for years. I'll also throw in Vanilla Ice's abysmal Cool As Ice and From Justin to Kelly. These are the the kinds of bad flicks you can laugh at and enjoy.

But over the course of yesterday and today, I finally watched what I consider to be the worst movie I believe I will ever see, and it wasn't funny at all in a bad/good way. That it was supposed to be funny makes it even more painful. Ladies and gentlemen, I am speaking about the crap pile known as National Lampoon Goes to the Movies (a.k.a. National Lampoon's Movie Madness).

The culprit.

Now I haven't had faith in anything National Lampoon in ages. Would it be fair to say that European Vacation was the last truly funny film cranked out by said factory? At least I can say I grew up in a time when you could rely on the magazine still being amusing and getting to enjoy such flicks as Animal House and the first couple of Vacation movies. But this one was actually released in 1981 - straight to video - because the reviews were so terrible that MGM/UA didn't see any point in torturing the country with it.

Not good in anything.

So let me just list some of the things that are in this movie. Basically, the flick is made up of three short films, each parodying a certain genre. None of them are good or work. See if any of these items strike you as even mildly entertaining:

A guy makes his wife leave so they can both "grow." She becomes successful while he becomes a plant doctor and loses some of his kids along the way.

Gang rape by old dudes with sticks of butter.

A serial killer who leaves copies of his driver's license on all his victims' bodies.

Joint smoking, liquor swigging cops.

Robby Benson.

Henny Youngman doing his "Take my wife, please" routine yet again.

Rhea Pearlman in a cameo as a prostitute.

Peter Riegert having an affair with a 14-year-old Diane Lane.

Ann Dusenberry once again looking like a lost Gyllenhaal and wasting time in another "racy" flick.

Christopher Lloyd and Robby Benson singing "Feelings."

Richard Widmark cashing in with no payoff.

Oh, Robby.

I tell you, this movie is plain shit. I got to abuse myself with it thanks to it being OnDemand (TM). It was so bad I had to break it up over two days, and it's not even 90 minutes long. I literally fell asleep during the last 15 minutes or so. I thought I had seen bad National Lampoon flicks before, like any number of the one's they're still churning out these days, or even stuff from back in the '80s like O.C. and Stiggs, but this outdoes them all.

Not even Teresa "Goin' my way?" Ganzel's bare tits can save the day. And if anything, this movie solidified my belief that Ann Dunsenberry is one of the worst actresses of all-time. If you've never seen Basic Training, consider yourself lucky. That was another OnDemand disaster she was in. It also had Rhonda Shear. Ugh.