White People Fuck Up Black Music, Vol. 2

Listen to this:



Now listen to how it got fucked:



Thanks for nothing, Crew Cuts.

White People Fuck Up Black Music, Vol. 1

Listen to this:



Now listen to how it got fucked:



Thanks for nothing, Elvis.

Was the Cowboy Junkies' version of "Sweet Jane" the worst thing that ever happened to that song?

The Velvet Underground is my favorite band of all time. Lou Reed's song "Sweet Jane" originally recorded by the Velvets is my favorite song of all time. But I, like a lot of other people who grew up in my generation, first heard that great tune through the Cowboy Junkies' version of it that was a hit for them back in the late '80s.

It was OK enough, but when I finally got into Lou and his version via the version on his Walk on the Wild Side best-of, I was fucking floored. I was expecting that same laid back shit (which I'd later hear as originally intended on the Velvets' 1969 Live LP and was still tons better than the Junkies' take), but instead I got it as it needed to be. Rocked-up, serious, and indestructible.

But it was the Junkies' version that so many who weren't clued in to Lou came to know and accept as gospel. This belief may have been furthered when it was included in the film Natural Born Killers and its accompanying soundtrack. Reed has had nice things to say about the Junkies' take, but he's had lots of "nice" things to say about many bands and their takes on his music, so it's best not to always take what he says as gospel, either.

As for me, I don't think the Cowboy Junkies ultimately did the song any favors. The song is about Jack and Jane, not waitin' for Jimmy. Although, I suppose a super version would mash the two ideas together at last. Maybe someone's covered the song in such a way (I was planning to myself at one point but thought better of it). At any rate, let's take a listen to a couple dandy versions of the tune right now, won't you?

Me and "Louie, Louie"

Well, I suppose everyone's got their own story about how they came to love the rock classic "Louie, Louie" and this one's mine. So sit right back and read along as I read to you in your mind.

This is another one of those "When I Was Six Years Old and My Brother Brought Home an Album" story, except this time it's an 8-track tape and not an LP. Anyway, back in 1978 Animal House was a big smash hit at the movies and my older brother had procured the soundtrack to said feature on aforementioned 8-track tape. This was another one of those listening experiences that made me love rock and roll real early on.

I really liked listening to Sam Cooke's "Twistin' the Night Away" on there. But after a fashion, I began to take notice of "Louie, Louie" as performed by John Belushi. Now, since this was the 8-track version, the track listing didn't follow the LP's. On record, "Louie, Louie" came as track two after the "Faber College Theme," but on tape "Twistin' the Night Away" came second, and "Louie, Louie" was later on into the mix.

Anyway, I had no prior knowledge of the awesomeness of the history of "Louie, Louie" nor do I remember hearing The Kingsmen's definitive version of the song prior. A version that caused the FBI to open a case on the group and tune because so many outraged parents were apparently convinced that Jack Ely's garbled lead vocals were obscene. Fuckin' A, that's super awesome right there, and that happened all back in the '60s, mind you. That's rock and roll, right there.

But I digress. The point is, when I heard Belushi's version, I thought he was signing dirty lyrics, even though he wasn't. For your entertainment, here's what I thought John was singing:

I find a girl, she went for me
He get the shit across the sea
I said "Shit." all alone
I never think I'd make it home

Tasty, huh? But wait! I then thought Belushi was singing:

Three nights and days I sailed the sea
Me think of girl come to me
And on the shit I dream she there
I smelled the roses in her hair

Yeaaahhhh. And remember I was six years old, gang. And that's my "Louie, Louie" origin tale. Let's now dig that John Belushi version. May you hear it the way I originally did way back when.

Will Elvis still be relevant after all the old rockers are dead?

Who's going to carry the King's torch? Will it be you? I'm sure as hell not going to do it. But once the likes of Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Little Richard, Pete Townshend, and the rest of that old lot are finally dead and gone, who the hell is going to care about Elvis?

Seriously. The farther away we get from his explosion onto the rock world to his demise as a bloated Vegas also-ran, the quicker we are to forget. He's going to become that afterthought in the same way poor Bill Haley has become much of nothing in the eyes and ears of today's youth.

Yes, I'm bringing it down to the youth. When I was working not so long ago with a bunch of kids in their late teens/early twenties who would often spout things like, "I don't get the Beatles. What's so great about them? Their music isn't good." then I have zero hope for Elvis.

If anything, Elvis will continue to go down as a mocked, parodied, and ridiculed dude. And it's not as if his fans ever truly helped the cause, what with a million and one impersonators and folks who still flock to Graceland to see his tacky shit laid out like it was something truly remarkable. In this day and age of instant celebrity, Elvis is becoming more and more of a footnote. As in, "Oh yeah, that guy who sang 'Blue Suede Shoes' and liked pills." But hasn't that how it's been since the '70s?

So when all the old rock critics and musicians have dried up and blown away, we're going to be left with people like Bono to talk about, which is far worse. I mean, that guy has never done anything interesting. You need pills and a revolver, kids. A child bride and a kooky entourage who won't tell you your own shit stinks because its members like being on the dole. Go out to Vegas and die and leave a legacy that other people can cash in on with shitty little trinkets and other crap. That's rock and roll? Nah, that's just Elvis.

Another weekend, another podcast episode!

Yes, yes, it's that time again to visit Camel Ike's podcast page and pick up the new episode, or any of the ones that came before it. Dig it!

Another one for the kids.

Hey if you liked that last song to sing to the kids, you'll be sure to enjoy this one just as much.  Check it out!

"Rodney Allen Rippy's House" (sung to the tune of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin)

Let's go to Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
It's cool! Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
You'll drool @ Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
Yo, fool! It's Rodney Allen Rippy's house!

(c)2011 by Jason Thompson

Something for the kids.

Hey, parents, siblings, and babysitters!  If you're having trouble with crying or fussy kids, or just want to entertain them, here's a new lyric I've written that really wows them every time.  See if it works for you as well!

"Rip"

We're going to take a ride
So get those tires pumped up!
We're going to have some fun
Like you've never had before!

We're going to Rip Taylor's house!

Uncle Rippy will make you laugh and scream
He'll throw confetti all over you
And then almost lose his wig

We're going to Rip Taylor's house
Where the hell's Rip Taylor's house?
I don't care if you don't know
Who Rip Taylor is

(c) 2011 by Jason Thompson

"Rock and Roll"

"Rock and Roll"

Rock is
Getting your cock sucked
By a huge laser beam
While explosions and smoke bombs
Go off

Roll is
Seeing Rodney Bingenheimer
In denial
About his hair

Rock is
Slutty old '80s groupies
Still trying to get fucked
At the county fair
By the members of L.A. Guns

Roll is
Carnie Wilson getting naked
Post-op in Playboy
And no one caring
Then getting fat again
And still no one caring

Rock is dead
Roll is tasty

(c) 2011 by Jason Thompson

More Ark Music Factory "artists."

So after diving ankle-deep into Rebecca Black's abysmal "Friday," I had a look at the other silly little girls making "music" thanks to Ark Music Factory. The company's name is apt, as each of these songs is interchangeable with more than a couple featuring the "ARK" name intoned at the beginning of the fricking song.

Which leads me to ask, if you're the rich-ass parents of these kids sending them off to record shitty music in hopes that you can then ride their coattails to fame and fortune, why the hell would you pay to have a song written and recorded that does nothing but promote the so-called "label" (which it isn't) in the actual song? All I can say is please stop wasting your money, even if you have it to waste. Your kids aren't going to make it like this. If they have real talent, help them nurture it and encourage it, but don't go whoring them out just because the music business is currently in its death throes and will give head to anything with an auto-tuned vocal in it. That's part of the reason why the biz is in the shitter. But you wouldn't know anything about that because you're too eager to cash in your own kid's happiness for your gain. Fuck all y'all.

Anyway, here's four more terrible Ark products for you to compare. Alana Lee's "Butterflies," Abby Victor's "Crush On You," and Sarah Maugaotega's "Take It Easy." Then get ready to top it off with the frightening "Ordinary Pop Star" sun by CJ Fam. One of the YouTube commenters writes, "This is the next radio masterpiece. soon everyone will know of CJ's true skill. I have heard this girl sing live, she is no fake.  The real deal."

"True skill"? More like true disaster. Enjoy your parents' dementia, kids.

That whole Rebecca Black and her "Friday" thing.

I know. Another blogger talking about this chick who really can't sing at all and her terrible song that her mom lovingly got for her to record and the evil Ark music dudes who are going to reap the "benefit." Well, this isn't about all those things, per se.

What it is about is the video of Rebecca appearing on Good Morning America performing the song. And it's not so much the song I want you to focus on the people in her band and the dude who gives the high-five to someone off camera after the second round of "partyin'" or whatever the hell that bit is.

Was the high-five really done as some sort of gesture of "Yeah we did it!" mentality, or was it more of a "Yeah, I can't believe this garbage is really popular!"? Whatever the case may be, I seriously need to start figuring out how I can literally become famous overnight on YouTube and finally make my fortune.

Camel Ike podcast births again!

I'm a couple days late posting about it here. Yes, what kind of blogsmith am I, right? But, feel free to head on over to the Camel Ike podcast page for another groovy episode of music to dig. Rock on.

I have finally seen the worst movie ever.

People love movies that are so bad they're good. Two of my faves are The Van featuring Danny DeVito and nobody else and Stallone's Cobra, which has dialogue you can quote for years. I'll also throw in Vanilla Ice's abysmal Cool As Ice and From Justin to Kelly. These are the the kinds of bad flicks you can laugh at and enjoy.

But over the course of yesterday and today, I finally watched what I consider to be the worst movie I believe I will ever see, and it wasn't funny at all in a bad/good way. That it was supposed to be funny makes it even more painful. Ladies and gentlemen, I am speaking about the crap pile known as National Lampoon Goes to the Movies (a.k.a. National Lampoon's Movie Madness).

The culprit.

Now I haven't had faith in anything National Lampoon in ages. Would it be fair to say that European Vacation was the last truly funny film cranked out by said factory? At least I can say I grew up in a time when you could rely on the magazine still being amusing and getting to enjoy such flicks as Animal House and the first couple of Vacation movies. But this one was actually released in 1981 - straight to video - because the reviews were so terrible that MGM/UA didn't see any point in torturing the country with it.

Not good in anything.

So let me just list some of the things that are in this movie. Basically, the flick is made up of three short films, each parodying a certain genre. None of them are good or work. See if any of these items strike you as even mildly entertaining:

A guy makes his wife leave so they can both "grow." She becomes successful while he becomes a plant doctor and loses some of his kids along the way.

Gang rape by old dudes with sticks of butter.

A serial killer who leaves copies of his driver's license on all his victims' bodies.

Joint smoking, liquor swigging cops.

Robby Benson.

Henny Youngman doing his "Take my wife, please" routine yet again.

Rhea Pearlman in a cameo as a prostitute.

Peter Riegert having an affair with a 14-year-old Diane Lane.

Ann Dusenberry once again looking like a lost Gyllenhaal and wasting time in another "racy" flick.

Christopher Lloyd and Robby Benson singing "Feelings."

Richard Widmark cashing in with no payoff.

Oh, Robby.

I tell you, this movie is plain shit. I got to abuse myself with it thanks to it being OnDemand (TM). It was so bad I had to break it up over two days, and it's not even 90 minutes long. I literally fell asleep during the last 15 minutes or so. I thought I had seen bad National Lampoon flicks before, like any number of the one's they're still churning out these days, or even stuff from back in the '80s like O.C. and Stiggs, but this outdoes them all.

Not even Teresa "Goin' my way?" Ganzel's bare tits can save the day. And if anything, this movie solidified my belief that Ann Dunsenberry is one of the worst actresses of all-time. If you've never seen Basic Training, consider yourself lucky. That was another OnDemand disaster she was in. It also had Rhonda Shear. Ugh.

You can't spell "groovy" without two Cheerios.

Hey man, do you know where the kids score Cheerios around here?  Man, I heard they can make you feel "groovy."  You know I'm into any far-out trip like that, man.  The kids are really with it these days, too.  If it weren't for LSD, draft dodging, and Steppenwolf, who knows what the youth movement may have become?  Probably no movement at all, man.  Anyway, let me know about those groovy Cheerios, because I got the message.  The hidden message, man.  It's all right here:

"Crosby"

"Crosby"

all you could say
was "john lennon".
man, what the hell
were you on?

crawlin' around
with a joint clenched
between your teeth
dude, what were you thinking?

you almost cut your hair
but instead you freaked out
boatloads of blow
so déjà vu

when jon lovitz
portrayed you as a
burnt out freak
on saturday night live
i laughed hard

(c) 2001 by Jason Thompson

The Pink Floyd I love.

That good time band, Pink Floyd!

I don't give a crap about Syd Barrett. I never have, and I never will. I think the music Pink Floyd recorded with him, save for a couple of tracks was nothing comparable to what they did after her fried his brain with acid and was booted from the group. And rightly so. Who would want to be dragged down by someone who can't get their shit together when there are untold fortunes to be reaped? So all the fans can go and and keep clamoring about his "mad genius" and all. You can keep it. Dave Gilmour knew how to rock and that was that.

Of course, my vote for fave Pink Floyd album is one that the band itself hates. Ranks it right down there with Ummagumma. Now, I dig the live portion of that album, but I'm fully with the Floyd in dismissing the studio half as crap. But really, I'm not sure if any other band at the time had as an interesting a trajectory to superstardom the way Pink Floyd had, what with the personnel changes, oddball movie soundtracks and general finding themselves. It's true that Syd had a huge influence on them and left them at a loss as to what to do after his ousting, but nonetheless it made for interesting listening.

But my pick for favorite Floyd LP is the very first one I ever heard. Once again, I was a young kid, and I can't recall if I was in school yet or not. If I was, it had to have only been kindergarten or first grade. Anyway, I would often beg my older brother to give me any albums he no longer wanted as I got tired of listening to my kiddie records pretty quickly and wanted some real music.

So one day he hands me Atom Heart Mother.

It had a lovely cow on the front, and a few more on the back. You opened it up and there was a black and white picture of more cows in a pasture. I read the song titles. I saw that the first side was just a big piece and had portions titled "Breast Milky" and "Funky Dung." Even at that age, I knew what that all meant, so it seemed like it was going to be weird.

I recall dropping the needle on it for the first time and distinctly thinking that it sounded like some kind of outer space music. Indeed, I wound up taping the album and taking it outside to the back yard where my swingset was. I played it as I swung about, listening to the "Atom Heart Mother Suite" and pretending that I was on some spaceship exploring the galaxies.

Funny how I learned later when I officially "got into" the band that some of what they did was indeed termed "space rock."

I enjoyed the second side of songs as well, especially Rick Wright's "Summer '68." I found the weirdo sounds of the faceless man scarfing his cereal like a pig on "Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast" to be repulsive and funny. It was an album I would regularly spin.

The think tank thinking it over.

But after a while I sort of forgot about it, and it wasn't until that I became enamored with everything Pink Floyd via Dark Side of the Moon in my teen years that I revisited it. At that point, I found that I really loved Gilmour's "Fat Old Sun," which seemed to strike some deep resonance in me at age 16. So again I thought this was pretty wonderful yet was always surprised to read that the band members hated it. Apparently they thought it was recorded "in a rush" and that it didn't really work. But I always thought it was groovy. I still do. I'll take the suite any day over Meddle's "Echoes," too.

At any rate, Pink Floyd may have wound up making albums after Atom Heart Mother that they liked more, or sold in the zillions, or were technically cooler, but I'll always have a soft spot for those damned cows. As a final note, I also remember feeling really weird the first time I heard Roger Waters sing the line "If I go insane, please don't put your wires in my brain." Yeah, they never did get away from Syd, did they?

New podcast episode alive (still...again!)

Last night a new Camel Ike podcast episode was published. So go have a listen or a download, won't you?

For Alex Chilton

 Dear Alex,

You're still dead and the world still needs you. This is belated, but so it goes. What the fuck does it say when a man such as yourself had to go and die because he couldn't get health insurance? I understand the situation; those assholes don't want to give me any, either. The "American Dream" is buried under piles of bird shit yet again. In the meantime, we still believe in the Jesus myth and burn books whenever possible.

I throw your tunes into my podcasts. I figure the first thing I ever heard of yours was "The Letter." I have fond memories of hearing "Sweet Cream Ladies, Forward March" being piped over the speakers at the local drive-in theatre. I didn't know that was you until years later. Always good to write songs praising prostitutes. No one does that anymore, do they? They don't really do much of anything anymore.

When I hear your songs, I hear a dude whom I wish I had personally known. We both being from Tennessee and all, both of us having a penchant for absolute weirdness at all times, coupled with the sincere appreciation of the elusive hook and/or melody. I keep wondering if all the kids Paul Westerberg introduced you to even got it. The hilarious beauty of "Guantanamerika" or the groove of "No Sex" or "Jailbait." You were doing it from the soul for the soul. Westerberg never even got close.

That chaos of "You Can't Have Me" pretty much sums it up. The fucked-up wah-wah bass colliding with the crashing drums spilling all over the place and the sax being strangled, trying to be heard in the din, which is odd considering how much literal space is there between all those notes. The epic failure of Big Star giving way to the idea that it didn't need to be clean. Afterward, there was Like Flies on Sherbert and no looking back.

You covered songs you loved, and you always made the idea of recording songs or making a record just fun. Who the hell does that anymore? The way the music biz is these days, we might all just get around to doing that sooner than later. Bieber even cut his hair. The girls cried just like they did for The Beatles, man. Somewhere, the Eagles still remain relevant to someone, too.

Anyway, you're only the second "idol" of mine whose death made me feel an actual loss (the other being Hunter S. Thompson). One of your songs will start playing on my iPod and I can't help but think you're still around to make some more. That was the best thing about you, dude. You were always there, just putting out an album here or there, every now and then, no big deal. But we always had that next one to look forward to somewhere down the line, and it was always a good thought to wonder when it was going to arrive.

So yeah, man. Save me a seat or give me a call sometime. We should definitely get together and catch up. You know where I am.

JT

Three musical honeys who made me go "RARR!"

When folks in the gay community are sometimes asked, "At what age did you know you were gay?", the answer is generally a pretty young one.  Ask a straight person the same thing and I figure you'll pretty much see the same sort of trend.  At least I can speak for myself when I say I knew I was straight pretty damned early on thanks to a trio of lovely pop ladies whom I became aware of during the peaks of their careers.

Donna's ultimately responsible.

Firstly, there was Donna Summer.  Once again, my older brother had a huge influence on me with his music collection in the '70s.  So when he brought home Donna's Bad Girls LP home and I heard "Hot Stuff" for the first time, that was rather earth-shattering.  What was also earth-shattering was how Donna Summer looked on the cover of that album.  Now, I was only around six when that came out, so I had had no prior knowledge that this chick had done the scandalous "Love to Love You, Baby," and had I heard that song at that time, I wouldn't have understood it, anyway, and probably would have found it silly to listen to (which it still is).  But the iconic photo clicked in my little noggin and "Hot Stuff" kept my toes a-tappin' and I was a happy lad.

Then there was sweet, sweet Debbie.

Shortly thereafter Blondie started making it huge with the Parallel Lines album.  I distinctly remember the first time I heard "Heart of Glass."  My dad or brother had taped it off the radio onto some cheap-ass cassette and again, the sound of that song like "Hot Stuff" just connected with me instantly.  And then my little eyes got to see Debbie Harry and the video for the song for the first time and that, my friends, really made an impression.  I don't care how damn old you were at the time or if you were straight, gay, or sideways, Debbie Harry was larger than life and everyone loved looking at her.  She was definitely the It girl of the late '70s, and when she was on The Muppet Show, how could it have gotten any better for me?  Amazing, I tell you.

Belinda was a dream back then.

Lastly, a short few years later, the Go-Go's arrived on the scene with Beauty and the Beat.  I was still in elementary school at the time and remember the high school marching band always practicing "We Got the Beat" outside all the time that year.  But for me, there was nothing better than "Our Lips Are Sealed."  I believe I heard the song the first time that I also saw the video, which featured Belinda Carlisle looking like this sexy, cute, pudgy sorta retro chick.  I was enamored with the ribbon in her hair and couldn't take my eyes off the girl the whole time.  Back then we had either Showtime or HBO and they'd play music videos between movies sometimes and that's where I first saw the clip and would always hope they'd show it again and again.

Out of these three ladies these days, I'd say Donna Summer has fared the best.  Debbie's aged naturally from what it looks like, and bless her for that, but it seems as if Belinda's had some extensive work done over the years.  She's still "cute," but not naturally.  Not the way she was originally, anyway.  Still, I'd like to thank all these gals for instilling those oddball murmurs way deep down before the adolescence kicked in and the hormones truly raged.  Kids these days really don't have much that naturally comes close to these women on the pop scene.  A shame.

I believe in Elvis Costello again.

I believe in Elvis Costello again, albeit because of a recording made during the prime of his career.  I love E.C. up to a certain point...let's say the Punch the Clock LP.  Then after that, nothing until Brutal Youth.  Parts of Blood and Chocolate, I guess to go before that, and bits of Spike afterward, and maybe barely a song here and there after that.

It's always struck me as odd how artists like Costello who can be some damned brilliant feel like they have to pursue these outright boring ideas and follow every whim that takes them farther away from what originally made them so great.  Elvis could easily crank out another Trust if not a My Aim Is True or This Year's Model.  I don't mean be punky and all, but fer chrissakes at least energetic and interesting.

Anyway, I dunno how I missed its release last year, but while I was browsing through iTunes last night, I saw that the entire Hollywood High show had been released.  Having been a fan of the three track EP culled from the show and released with the original LP pressings of Armed Forces (and later appended to the excellent Ryko reissue of the album), this purchase was a no-brainer.  The Attractions during their peak?  Hell yes, I want to hear 20 tracks of that, please.

I listened to Live at Hollywood High last night and wasn't disappointed with my ten dollar purchase.  It reminded me of why I love Elvis Costello and made me yearn for him to do something electrifying once again.  I know this probably won't ever come to pass.  The Juliet Letters was more of a warning shot that things were going to eventually go awry more than Almost Blue ever was.  And then of course there was the detours with Bacharach, etc.  I even saw the guy live a few years ago and the fucking show was mired thanks to his inclusion of Emmylou Harris.  Jesus.

But whatever.  This album is amazing and I dig it.  Thank you, El, for being amazing long ago.  Maybe it's time to start tooting again.

What do you do when your kid likes "Temporary Secretary"?

Look, I'm glad my six-year-old son loves music and has allowed me to influence his taste with all the stuff I dig. We'll always have the iPod on shuffle in the car and his ears will perk up every now and then and he'll get all excited about a song. Sometimes I'll think of a tune I think he may really enjoy and I'll play it for him.

Past hits have included the 12" mix of Thomas Dolby's "Hyperactive!", "I Am the Walrus" by The Beatles, "Fashion Zombies!" by The Aquabats, "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls, "Autobahn" by Kraftwerk, "Guns on the Roof" by The Clash, "Victoria" by The Kinks, and so on and so forth.

Then there's "Temporary Secretary."

For those of you who don't know, this is a Paul McCartney tune originally released on his McCartney II album back in 1980, along with a 12" single release of the song in the UK. It's annoying as hell with its disjointed main synth riff, instantly putting one's ears on edge. I remember hearing it for the first time back in my high school days thinking it was just horrid. But as I got older, I found that same annoyance to be funny as well.

Too bad, then, that I decided to put it on the iPod and have it come up on shuffle the other week in the car with the kiddo in tow. I quickly hit the "next" button, but not before he could shout "What is THAT song? Go back! I wanna hear it!"

I hadn't heard it in a while, so I played it, savoring its shittiness. I thought that would be the end of it and that he'd forget all about it. But that wasn't the case.

Every time we get in the car now, he says, "Play 'Temporary Secretary'!"

I asked him why he liked it so much. He said, "Because it sounds crazy and the guy does funny voices on it!"

I then decided to play him The Beatles' "You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)" since it had the exact same things in it, but was much better to my ears.

I got zero response. What the hell? I first heard that tune when I was five or so and fell in love with The Beatles instantly. But oh, no, let's hear that frigging "Temporary Secretary" again!

I've yet to successfully get him into Trout Mask Replica, but I figure it's only a matter of time.

Bonus podcast episode!

It's Double XP Weekend, which means extra podcast grooves as well. So, just like the last post, head on over to the Camel Ike podcast page for all the details.

Another podcast episode is up!

We're not on life support. We're still here. Or at least, I am. In the meantime, check out the new podcast episode over there at the official Camel Ike podcast page.