Holy shit, I'm alive.

I didn't forget about this.  I just let it go for the remainder of the year.  So what happened?

Honestly, I have no idea.  I enjoyed working on this thing.  Maybe it was one of those blog burnout things that happens every now and then.  Anyway, to bring you up to speed as to what's happened since June, I turned another year older in November and just successfully got through another Xmess.

That's about it!  Oh, I got laid some, too.  Go, me.  So anyway, yeah.  I'm starting this thing up again.  There's plenty more to say.  

Podcast is dead.

Yes, I killed the podcast.  No, I don't care.

Trout Mask Replica and Me

Let's get real gone, fellas.

I'm going through a Trout Mask Replica thing lately. It pretty much started when I noticed the rip I had done of my old CD copy of it a few years back had all sorts of crappy snaps in some of the songs. So I wandered over to iTunes and promptly bought the bastard again. Not that I minded since it's an album I can't do without.

I suppose everyone has their story regarding this work, whether or not they're a fan. I already covered my initial history with it right here in this previous post, so I won't go over all that again. I'm just not quite sure why the album has sparked my interest again so feverishly lately.

I was driving around yesterday with Beefheart's Strictly Personal album playing. After a bit, I shuffled the iPod to random stuff, not quite feeling any of it until a cut from Trout Mask Replica showed up. It was the only thing that was going to sound good. So I pulled up the album proper and started listening from "Hair Pie: Bake I" through "Moonlight on Vermont" to "Pachuco Cadaver" and then zipped up to "Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish" and "China Pig." It was as captivating as it was the very first time I heard those tunes.

So what's to say that hasn't been said? Nothing, really. You can listen to the songs and come up with your own conclusion. I remember writing a couple tunes back in my high school days and recording them with my friend Adam, telling him to play his guitar like they did on Trout Mask. I did my best to emulate John French's drumming style. But what we failed to realize was that The Magic Band had been rehearsing those classic tracks for months on end. Adam and I were just doing these one take things.

Just goes to show you what a moon can do.

Still, that's inspiration. I mean, if an album like that can make a person want to try and make music like that. Music, that, by and large, still alienates the public at large. It inspired me and my friends in all sorts of ways, though. I remember when I was a senior in high school our art class teacher, Ms. Caruthers, would often play tapes while we doodled away. Usually she made us listen to dreck like the soundtrack to Dances with Wolves.

I made a copy of Trout Mask Replica for my best friend Tom who also appreciated its oddball appeal. I told him to take it into art class, tell Ms. Caruthers it was the soundtrack to the PBS special The Civil War and see if she'd play it. Sure enough she did.

Tom and I didn't have art class at the same time, so at lunch I excitedly asked how it went down. As I expected, it didn't go down well at all.

"They turned it off pretty fast!" Tom told me.

He said that everyone just looked bewildered and in a last ditch effort to keep the songs playing, Tom exclaimed, "But wait! This is the part where they're rolling the cannons across the field!"

I was satisfied enough, knowing that these small town Tennessee hicks were at least exposed to "Frownland" and whatever else might have gotten played that day. That wouldn't have happened otherwise. Remember, this was around the time when Warrant was on the charts with "Cherry Pie." Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band must have seemed like a complete nightmare to those kids.

We also wound up shooting a couple videos to the Cap's tunes. One was just an extreme closeup of me trying not to crack up as "When Big Joan Sets Up" blared from my stereo in the background. I finally cracked and kept flashing the Trout Mask longbox in front of my face. After that there was another video, albeit for "Woe-Is-A-Me-Bop" from Lick My Decals Off, Baby. In that one, my dad's dog brought my friend Mark a magic coin that embedded itself into his forehead.

Suffice it to say Trout Mask Replica inspired and continues to inspire me in various ways. And really, I think that's the best thing about it. Because it's the sort of album that could inspire only the most creative types of stuff, really. Perhaps in another hundred years the thing will finally be certified Gold.

I Cannot Carve a Carver

"I Cannot Carve a Carver"

I cannot carve a carver
like that butter-tailed jack
Which you always yield
Marked like thatch
In a drain pool stem
Of oxen mice horse manure

Let it roll in custard
And the free treacle
Fallen on a plain
Like a sigh
Of rainbow dust in
A mastodon prison

You don't have to tell me
Sway the wicked way watch mine glow
Stay the over stay and zapped
The strapped amulet hither there
Neither where

May craft amuse you so
May abomination get blown
Fuses pustule of ardent maidens
Scissors sawing the chagrin
Flouted flatulence on burnt burgers
Withered toast
Hither there

copyright 2011 by Jason Thompson

As promised, new podcast episode is alive!

So I got off my lazy ass and produced this skizz for you.  Dig it and head over to Camel Ike's podcast page to get it. Rockin'.

Medicated Skin Flute

"Medicated Skin Flute"

I can't think about
What I was thinkin' 'bout
'Cause medicated skin flute
Got me down

You might have your
Razor day parade
But medicated skin flute
Entertains no clown

Think about the feeling
The grass and the lamp
The sweet ass and sunshine
How she got damp

Posted on a wall
For thems to retreat
Caught on a bush
Regular size feet

Medicated skin flute
Playin' a hap hap
Get up 'n dance to it
Your fingers magically snap

Breathin' on a Brawny
Cleanin' up the sticky pie
Entertain a fashion
Dappled apples in the sky

copyright 2011 by Jason Thompson

Yes, I've been lazy.

Yes, it's the middle of June.  No, I haven't put up a podcast this month.  No, I haven't been writing on here.  I've been terribly lazy.  I've been in the process of getting ready to move, getting ready for my kid to finally get out of school for the summer, and just enjoying my laziness.  It's true.  Sometimes I just don't care.  We all get that way, especially when we have a blog.  That is, when we have a blog that we don't get paid to upkeep.

But we should do it for the love of it all, I know.  But when you're busy all day with your regular job and you get home and night and just want to flake out eating and playing video games, sometimes the inspiration just isn't there.  Plus, I've been spending oodles of my online time over at Yahoo! Answers, which I know I said I'd be incorporating into here from time to time, which I still will.  And I will get another podcast episode up and all that other good stuff.

Look, all I really want right now is some good Belgian beer and a sexy chick to bed.  Is that so wrong?  My grandfather always told me I should find a nice red-headed gal.  I've never done this in my 38 years.  Perhaps I should.  So far, everything else hasn't worked out and the last date I went on, while nice, was rather devoid of anything when it came to intelligence on my date's behalf.  Sorry if you're reading this, honey, but it's true.  You are the definition of a dumb blonde, but you said so yourself.  I shouldn't have to walk through the zoo with you and explain what every frickin' animal is that isn't the goddamn polar bear.  Plus you're older than me, fer chrissakes.  You should know some of these things.

And yeah, it didn't help that you thought Celine Dion was good and that you pronounced "tarot" like you pronounce "parrot."  These things are deal breakers.  It might seem snobbish, but dammit, I know what I want, and someone who does those two things is not on my list.  So it goes.  I mean, you're divorced as well and your husband must have had some reasons to leave you.  Maybe those two weren't amongst them, but still...he left.

OK, this is getting off track.  But it at least brings the rest of you up to speed.  The bottom line is dating in your late 30s is rigoddamndiculous and no one should have to subject themselves to it.  But I try.

"Let me take this one, Don..."

Welcome to the newest soon-to-be regular groove of Camel Ike. For those of you who don't know, Yahoo! Answers is the place any one can go to and ask the public at large pretty much any question that is on his mind. However, the best thing about the site is that it's also a great place to troll and be trolled.

"Let me take this one, Don..." will be featuring some of my fave answers that I've given under the moniker "Handy Leatherette." I spend a lot of time over in the Paranormal and Singles and Dating questions because I've found these two to be chock full of opportunities to entertain and be an ass at the same time.

So let's kick things off with a question entitled, "Is the Gettysburg battlefield stilled haunted to this day?) [sic] The answer I gave was actually chose by the asker as being the best. This will undoubtedly be a rarity as most people asking the questions over there have no sense of humor whatsoever. So, let me take this one, Don...


Is the Gettysburg battlefield stilled haunted to this day?

Happy June/New Podcast Episode Is Alive with Pleasure!

Welcome to June, 2011, people.  To celebrate, let's kick things off right with a new Camel Ike podcast. I'm sure you'll find it groovy. We even gave Julian Lennon a bit of attention back. He's been needing it, you know.

Akoo is a wonderful torture device.

This is the shizz.

Next time you're at your local mall's food court, check to see if it has various tv monitors and the sound system hooked up to Akoo. Akoo is a video music service that allows you to use your mobile phone to text your video requests in and then see them get played.

Of course, the real thrill is setting up your own account at MyAkoo and making requests remotely. Yes, you don't even have to be at the mall to enjoy abusing the service. I routinely enjoy setting up a long queue of absolutely shitty country music videos that will be be played to the food court's patrons and hopefully ruining their otherwise joyful meals.

Now, when I'm actually at the food court, I take it upon myself to request things I actually like, which most of today's mallrats probably won't, so it's still a ton of fun. Anyway, give Akoo a shot and see what terrible experiments you can try out as well. You're guaranteed to at ruin at least one person's day with some crappy music, and that's always a good time.

In honor of the surviving members of Pink Floyd finally putting their arguments to rest...

Here's a lovely video of some dudes covering "Comfortably Numb," the likes of which you've never heard.  Or seen.

"Comfortably Shit" is more like it.

Two Legendary and Weird Rock 'N' Roll Moments

He had an idea.  Oh, yes.

1. Elvis Presley's "naughty first take" of "Blue Suede Shoes"

Elvis always had a randy sense of humor, and this was quite evident in some recent unearthed tapes of him recording Carl Perkins' "Blue Suede Shoes," which, of course became a big hit for him. But Elvis's first few attempts had him wanting to sing one of the lines a bit differently. The following is studio chatter between Elvis and the recording engineer.

Elvis: "Hey man, let's do something different with this one line."

Engineer: "Which one?"

EP: "Right here, where it goes 'You can burn my house, steal my car, drink my liquor from an old fruit jar.'"

E:  "OK, what did you have in mind?"

EP: "I thought it'd be better if I sang "Drink my pee pee from an old fruit jar."

E: "What?"

EP: "Yeah."

E: "I don't...I don't quite...'Drink my pee pee from an old fruit jar'?"

EP: "Yeah, man. Let's just try it. I wanna hear it that way and if it's no good we'll take it straight."

E: "All right...'Blue Suede Shoes, Take One.'"

And so Elvis runs through three incomplete takes of this version with everyone else busting out laughing every time. Apparently, Presley wasn't amused.

EP: "I don't know what you're laughin' at. This is probably gonna be a hit!"

Two more aborted attempts later, Elvis decides to record it the way it was written. The rest is history.

Sing about it loud and proud, Robert.

2. Led Zeppelin's sound check of "In My Time of Dying" in Chicago

Led Zep had been working and re-working "In My Time of Dying" for quite a while by the time this chestnut was recorded during a sound check in Chicago. During the big part where Robert Plant usually started his "Oh my Jesus" plea, this time he had a different idea.

"I'm gonna go for it all this time, Jonesy!" he says excitedly. Next thing you know, Plant starts chanting the following mantra, 15 times in a row:

"Oh my penis! Oh my penis! Oh my penis! Whoa my penis!"

This seemed more like something Jim Morrison would have done, but the band went right along with it, not missing a beat. After the song ends, Plant says,

"I'm all sticky. Yeah, groovy."

Weird.

Weird As Ever

My old pal Rollo Scarborough has recently opened up a new blog for anyone who's interested.  Because I'm groovy, and I pimp shit like that, check out Weird As Ever. Dig it.

Simulated Wood Grain Finish

This shit spread like herpes.

Kids today just don't know what they're missing sometimes.  I see the youth wax nostalgic for things like the '80s from time to time but they don't know the half of it.  The '80s were OK, I suppose, but nothing could beat the '70s and its fascination with "simulated wood grain finish."  A wood finish was the mark of having really made it back then, much more so than fine Corinthian leather or even a coke spoon.  No, man.  Wood grain was where it was at, and the best thing was you didn't even have to be rich to be able to afford its luxury.  Hence, "simulated wood grain finish."

TV manufacturer Zenith really stood by the simulation.  Hell, my folks had a big-ass Zenith color TV that came in a huge chunk of simulated wood destined to give everyone else on our street wood grain envy.  Even stereo manufacturers were getting in on the sexy faux wood action.  Lord knows all of this crap really went well with the vomit-colored shag carpeting and simulated wood grain walls we had in the den back in those days.

You could even wear it on your skull.

Some dudes even began sporting simulated wood grain hairdos.  Crazy, I know, but this stuff was blowing up and people were cashing in.  Hell, even auto makers were putting strips of the shit on the sides of their models to attract the discriminating driver.  You weren't anyone if your ride wasn't sporting some simulated grain, even if it made no sense whatsoever.

But my very favorite item that had simulated wood grain finish was the original Atari VCS.  Oh yes, I knew I was in the big time because my console looked like a fancy piece of furniture!  Screw Intellivision and ColecoVision and Magnavox's Odyssey 2.  Who cares which one had better graphics or games?  The Atari had the grain, baby, and that's all that mattered.  Of course, sometime in the early '80s there Atari decided to ditch the grain and go with a shinier black trim on the front.  It made sense, but it wasn't as swank.

The sexy beast.

Nowadays you can buy all sorts of cheap fiberboard crap (mainly at IKEA) that sometimes sports simulated wood grain, but it's not the same.  No one equates the stuff with awesomeness anymore.  You just look at it and go, "No, I want some real wood."  I can't blame anyone with this attitude.  I just hope it doesn't all make an ironically nostalgic comeback and begin getting popular with kids who shop at Hot Topic.  That would certainly signal the end of days right there.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Bowie's David Live and Stage

David Bowie

David Live

Rating: ****

Probably the most infamous Bowie cover shot as it catches him in the act of cutting a fart at the end of "Rebel, Rebel."  I wish I had been there.  I've known some people who were and they said the fart was very audible over the P.A.  As if he wanted to be caught, you know. They said after he did it he kind of smiled and did this twirl and continued along like nothing happened.  But thankfully the music historians and photographer for this album have kept the truth alive.  I wonder what a cocaine fart smells like, and if you can get high from it. 

David Bowie

Stage

Rating: ****

Unlike the cover for David Live, the cover shot for Stage doesn't catch Bowie in the act of farting in front of the audience.  However, as every Bowie fan knows, the picture is a picture of him sweet talking a mother and daughter in the audience between songs (this bit has been infamously clipped from all versions of this album). The transcript of that dialogue is as follows:

Bowie: And how are you two tonight?

Mother: We're great!  So great to finally see you!

Bowie (to daughter): How old is she?

Mother: 17!

Bowie: You know, I've recently been cleaning up (crowd alternately boos and cheers), but one thing that hasn't cleaned up is my naughtiness.  Do you two fancy some "Sweet Thing?"  (crowd goes wild)

Mother and daughter unanimously:  YES!

Bowie: See me after the show then!

A yell of "I wanna fuck you, David!" comes from the audience.  David erroneously hears it as "Fuck you!" and shouts back "Eat it long!"  The band then tears into "Station To Station."

More podcast goodness.

Hey, hey!  Hoy, hoy!  There is a new podcast episode over at the Camel Ike Podcast Page Thingy. If you haven't subscribed yet, do it or you will have onion breath 4-Eva as the kids say. Whatevs.

Nazz 2.0

Why?

A few years back, former lead singer of fave late '60s cult group Nazz, Stewkey Antoni, decided it would be a good idea to actually bring the band back to the future.  Only problem was, he was the only one who felt this way.  The rest of the group, including cult-figure-who-still-had-hits Todd Rundgren were nowhere to be found.  Who could blame them?  Sure, fans of Todd's are also often fans of Nazz, but when the group was originally on the scene, they were but a blip on the overall radar despite very good reviews as well as albums.

But according to an interview with Stewkey, he had been wanting to redo Nazz for a while.  Health problems sidelined him, but eventually he got back and with a few other dudes in tow, started playing live gigs and trotting out old chestnuts like "Hello, It's Me," "Under the Ice," "Open My Eyes," and "Wildwood Blues" along with newer tracks like "Baby Godzilla."

Nazz 2.0 even went to some trouble making a short promo film to go along with their return:

Nazz promo (embedding disabled)

The big question to all of this is why? If you go to Stewkey's website, the last thing that happened was in 2008. Did the bottom fall out once again for the group, or was it just a matter of no one caring? Did Stewkey have humble aspirations or did he hope to take Nazz higher than before? How distressing is it to have been in a band that could have made it, and then left another band that later became Cheap Trick and did make it?

You got me.

Five Albums with Cover Art That Disturbed Me As a Kid

Fans of the vinyl LP often bemoan the fact that they no longer get a nice sleeve with big pretty pictures upon which to gaze when listening to new tunes. I can understand that, but at the same time I remember a few times when I was freaked out by an LP's cover art. Mind you, this was when I was a kid and my little mind was fresh for the taking when it came to rock and roll imagery I could never unsee. So let us celebrate a few of those examples now, which will undoubtedly be more amusing than wiggy.

Paul McCartney and Wings

Red Rose Speedway

I remember distinctly not liking this photo of Paulie with a big rose shoved in his mouth. I think it was also the expression on his face that to me looked like he wasn't enjoying that at all and may indeed be suffocating from it. Nowadays I find his mullet from this period to be more disturbing, with his wife Linda's even more so.

Nazareth

Hair of the Dog

This is exactly the kind of shit that can freak the mind out of a four or five-year-old's skull when they're gazing at it in full LP size.  Sure, from an older person's point of view it's just plain shitty, but this whatever-the-hell-it-is creature is the kinda crap that could jump out of your closet at night and make you listen to "Love Hurts" as it poked at your flesh with its pointy bits.   Not fun at all.

AC/DC

Powerage

I completely recall the first time I ever saw this cover.  I was a wee lad and was popping a squat on the toilet.  Somehow the bathroom door wound up opening and I looked out to my left into my brother's bedroom.  There in the dark, only lit from the natural ambient light floating in was Angus Young screaming violently in pain since his hands had been torn off and replaced with...wires.  Hmmm.  OK, yeah, well, it was the look on his face more than the wires that got to me.  Had I just gone in there and turned the album over to see the back cover photo of the band goofing off...I probably still would have been freaked.

UFO
Obsession

My brother had this one as well (actually he owned all of these except the last one in the list).  I would love just sitting and flipping through his box of albums and looking at the cover photos.  That is, until the one day this one showed up.  This fucking shit scared the fucking shit out of me when it suddenly appeared.  Why did those dudes have weird-ass silver balls covering up their facial bits?  Why was the dude in the back just standing there not caring?  Were they on a UFO?  Were the dudes in the front evil?  Were they going to hurt the dude in the back?  I didn't know and I quickly stopped looking at it.  Again, these days it just looks like shit.

Ozzy Osbourne
Speak of the Devil

I saw this one in a record store when it was new and I didn't like it.  I didn't like it when weird shit was coming out of dude's mouths.  I thought, "This guy must be pure evil."  Of course, this was the early '80s right before the PMRC came along and did indeed try to convince parents that dudes like Ozzy were not good for their kids.  Later on, I realized that he wasn't evil at all and made some groovy tunes on his own and with Black Sabbath.  It's still a crap cover, though.

New podcast episode is alive and well!

And so is this blog, dammit! Sorry, was bit of a wacky last week so the posts weren't as plentiful. Anyway, after a couple weeks out, there is a new Camel Ike podcast episode ready to enjoy. Lots of groovy tunes packed in there, so please dig it, won't you?

Lou Reed: Hater of Beatles and British rock in general.

Oh, Lou, how I love thee.  Your way of saying anything outrageous in a deadpan manner has always been your trademark.  Let's forget all about how you recorded your first three albums over in England and have also been quoted in regards to your love for how the Beatles wrote so many groovy tunes.  And how Bowie basically gave you a career.  You rock, Lou.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Billy Joel's The Stranger

Billy Joel

The Stranger

Rating: *****

I used to have a sheet set just like the one on Billy's bed there on the front cover.  I didn't have an awesome mask to ponder, however.  Billy looks at the mask and wonders if it was the right thing to have next to him, having already decided that his old boxing gloves were a nice touch on the back wall.  Perhaps the mask is too much.  He gets paranoid.  He remembers that he forgot to put on his shoes.  He wonders why he went to bed in his suit. The mask wants a kiss.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - The Velvet Underground's Another View

The Velvet Underground

Another View

Rating: *** 1/2

Once again Moe Tucker gets the shaft and is barely visible behind the V here.  Livin' down in Georgia workin' at Wal-Mart and peepin' out behind the V.  Do you think people who might stumble across a VU album at Wal-Mart check out through Moe's line and make the connection?  Standing there with the CD and a cartload of NASCAR shit, live bait, some cookies from the bakery and assorted shirts that say such things as "Hottie," "Sexy Grandma," and "Hugs Are Best From Best Friends."  That's true utopia, my friends.

(Still) talkin' 'bout The Who.

Hey! I must just be right on time or ahead of the curve or whatever. I dunno, call me crazy. But you remember before, right down there, when I was talking about how many damn times The Who's biggest tracks have been regurgitated by Universal Music? Well, if you've been waiting for yet another, have I got news for you. let me introduce you to Universal's Icon series, one of which features our heroes:

This little number is known as Icon 1.  Because if that's not enough, then hold your hats because...

Yes!  It's Icon 2, which is just Icon 1 with a second disc of hits larded on!  And yeah, that's the same freakin' artwork from the old Who's Better, Who's Best compilation that came out in the late '80s.  Future generations are going to get the idea that The Who actually never recorded any full-length albums, and instead merely crapped out compilations over and over of the same 12-24 tracks.

Now that's some mileage, kids.

Lennon's test for echo.

What too much echo will do to you.

That John Lennon sure was a creative guy, wasn't he?  With and without his buddy Paul McCartney, he created some of the most creative and classic rock tunes known in the universe.  With Yoko Ono, he alienated and confounded a lot of folks, but he still remained true to his own artistic vision and did whatever the hell he wanted.

During his Beatles tenure, John found that he really liked the echo effect on his voice.  Apparently (according to whatever tale you read and/or choose to believe) Lennon was self conscious of his own singing voice and felt a little more bolstered with having a bit of echo thrown on top.  It wasn't as obvious in the beginning, but by the time 1965 and 1966 rolled around and the Fabs became more creative in the recording studio, John was all about the echo.

Under George Martin's tasteful guidance, the echo was pretty cool.  Once the Beatles disbanded, however, the effect turned into a different sort of beast.  Lennon was suddenly throwing it all over everything, and producer pals like Phil Spector were only too happy to indulge him.  It's right there on "Mother" on Plastic Ono Band.  It was ladled on in gallons on "Give Peace a Chance" and only held back slightly in a more compressed, gated effect on "Cold Turkey."

"Instant Karma," "Power to the People," "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" and even the old favorite "Imagine" are echo city, baby.  And if that wasn't enough, John also loved to throw in greasy saxophone solos that bogged down the tubes.  Hey, have you ever heard "Beef Jerky" or "Touch Me"?





I think the sound of the tree falling in the latter says it all, really. Hoo boy.

So how many compilations have The Who released, anyway?

Good question, kid.  Let me tell you.  I always knew the answer was "a lot," but I never knew just exactly how much that lot was until I was perusing The Who's web site just now and checked it out.  So, as of April 28, 2011, The Who have officially released the following number of compilations (including box sets, special limited editions, etc.):

TWENTY

That's not even including soundtracks like the one for Quadrophenia, Tommy, or The Kids Are Alright, which are basically old Who tunes you know and love regurgitated in new or different forms.  It's also not counting live albums, such as Join Together or Who's Last.  So, if you want to include those, feel free and inflate that total even more.  Note that this number does include the Magic Bus LP as it was the very first US compilation.

Amazing, isn't it?  That the band was already being compiled and resold right after their third LP (the UK got Direct Hits as their first comp).  But above and beyond that, how many freaking times can you sensibly compile the same tunes and expect people to buy them?  Why not just let new generations of Who fans sit through Meaty Beaty Big & Bouncy or The Who's Greatest Hits and take it from there?  Those were both fine and solid collections that are still an enjoyable listen to this day.  In fact, the latter was my first Who purchase and did a pretty fine job of showing me the scope of what the band was all about, beyond "My Generation" or "Who Are You?"

But I guess once you get into that rut, you just have the tendency to do it.  Universal must think the kids are not all right and need a new Who compilation every few years to make sure no one forgets about the band.  Which leads me to wonder what the sales are for these various comps versus the actual albums of "new" material the band recorded from The Who Sing "My Generation" to ...well, I was going to say It's Hard, but go ahead and throw that boring Endless Wire one on the pile as well.  I'd say certain comps easily outsell those last two studio albums.

There must be a market for such a commodity, else why would Universal keep cranking them out?  Is the "regular" Who fan just someone who wants the hits and nothing more?  I suppose that makes some sort of sense, like owning Who's Next and Tommy and a greatest hits album, much like a casual Pink Floyd fan may only own Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here and/or The Wall and that's it.  Do casual fans want to hear nuggets like "Mary-Anne With the Shaky Hands" or "How Can You Do It Alone?"  Probably not.  For them, "My Generation" and "Won't Get Fooled Again" are probably good enough and the rest of the hits in between, maybe say "Pinball Wizard" will perk up the ears and make them feel like they spent their money decently.

But have there been other bands that have gone through a similar thing so obviously?  The Who's '70s output wasn't as regular as a band like The Rolling Stones.  And god knows the Stones have had their fair share of compilations, too.  Just looking at the Wikipedia entry for their count of compilations...it says they've had...

Thirty-One.

All right, so maybe this whole post is pointless.  Fuck you, Rolling Stones.  Fuck me sideways.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Lou Reed's Mistrial

 Lou Reed

Mistrial

Rating: **

Lou originally wanted to call this one Lou Shits A Really Good One, but RCA wouldn't hear of it, especially after they let Lou jack off on the previous album cover.  So Reed bitched up and down and called it Mistrial instead.  No one bought it, even though Lou was clearly humping a drum machine on the tracks and trying to get into the dance clubs.  No one wants to dance to Lou Reed.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Led Zeppelin's In Through the Out Door

Led Zeppelin

In Through the Out Door

Rating: ****

One year at a costume party, this really fat chick came dressed as Bette Midler and decided to sing "South Bound Saurez" on karaoke. Let me tell you, it was a real disaster. She air pianoed at the beginning, and then kept yelling, "Hey everyone, let's move those tushies!" at the rest of the crowd. She had chocolate smeared around her mouth and she smelled like bad marinara sauce. Some guy in his late 60s wound up making out with her on the sofa. She'd fart every now and then and he'd just keep going on about how much that was turning him on. It was one fucked up party.

New podcast episode is up!

...and we're finally back. And, there's Camel Ike podcast episode up, all shiny and new. So get hit that shit, won't you?

Pardon the absence.

Sorry, gang. I'm still here and intend to get back to regular posting schedule, but the past few days I've had a doozy of a cold that also managed to slap me with a low grade fever for a couple of days. So blogging and podcasting have not been at the top of my list of things to do. Rather, blowing my nose ad infinitum and trying to relocate my sense of taste have. But I'm here and we'll be all back to normal shortly. Danke.

Reloading your iPod is a bitch.

When you have a lot of music like I do, loading up all the shit you want on your iPod is a time-consuming activity. Doesn't matter how fast your transfer rate is, the simple fact is that it's insanely annoying. Well, I had the misfortune of having to reload my iPod Touch last week.

The problem was my videos. They weren't showing up on the screen when I pressed the video button. The screen would just go white for a few seconds and then crash to home screen. I looked up the problem online and it seemed a lot of other people had this exact same problem, yet Apple itself hasn't been able to figure it out.

Well, I figured it out.

It seems the more stuff you have on your iPod Touch, the longer it takes to access the list of videos and display said list on the screen. After I completely wiped my iPod, I added back my videos first just to see if they would load. They did without a hitch. However, once I started adding on more and more songs (in the thousands, people), it was taking longer and longer to cough up the videos until I was basically back to where I had been pre-wipe. Only difference was this time I didn't re-add the shitloads of apps I had also had on there so instead of always crashing back to the home screen, it now just took three or four attempts to get the video list to load.

It's still annoying as piss and shouldn't be a problem at all. Especially when I have the 64 gigger. There's tons of space left open and why the damn thing struggles to load 29 videos up and doesn't bat an eye at loading thousands of songs is perplexing.

But on top of that, the time it took me to put all those tunes back on was scattered across three frickin' days. I'm still tinkering with it, too, by putting back album art and the like that iTunes cannot seem to find, even though some of those things I bought straight from it. Go figure.

Camel Ike podcast returnz!

After a week-long hiatus, the Camel Ike podcast has returned to groove you. So get get grooved, won't you?

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Steely Dan's Can't Buy a Thrill

Steely Dan

Can't Buy a Thrill

Rating: ***1/2

 

You know what my favorite things are?  Bananas, hookers, lips, and electric sperm.  Guess how overjoyed I was when I first saw this album, then!  All of my favorite things right there on the cover!  I like the band's logo on his one, too.  It's almost like they were to be the Coke brand of rock.  I've noticed that girls who wear glasses and read boring shit like Tom Robbins books often like to be felt up while listening to "Midnite Cruiser" from this album.  So I guess they can't be all that bad, right?

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Jandek's Nine-Thirty

Jandek 

Nine-Thirty

Rating: *****

Jandek waits for the ice cream man.  What will Jandek get today?  Perhaps a Sno-Cone. Maybe a plan vanilla on a cake cone.  He might get risky and try a fudge bar.  He's thinking about it.  You can see the thoughts roll by in the tension on his face.  Undoubtedly, though, he will get what he always gets.  A cup of water and a napkin.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Bowie's Pin Ups

David Bowie

Pin Ups

Rating: ***

Some friends of mine came over one night.  One brought along this red-haired girl who had some LSD in her compact.  She took a hit while we were all sitting around listening to Sesame Street Fever and playing canasta.  About a half an hour later she starts moaning and shit and says she's going to the bathroom.  Next thing you know she's screaming at us to all come and help her.

So we get into the bathroom thinking she has hurt herself or something.  Nope, she's just staring in the mirror pulling her hair back from her brow and pointing, yelling "Oh my god I'm Bowie on the Pin Ups cover!  Look at that!  Oh my god, I'm Bowie! What am I doing here?  I need to get back to London!"

So she proceeds to step back out into the living room and sings all of "Changes" in a slow croon, then runs outside to "make her flight."  She promptly collapses on the ground.  Before we can get to her to pick her up, the neighbor's dog walks by and pisses on her head. Classic.

Reviews from the Spark Plug

Scatological. Insane. Clearly stupid. Just what you want in a music review. "Reviews from the Spark Plug" is a new feature here that will be highlighting absolutely craptastic album reviews with zero merit that I wrote over at the rateyourmusic website. I've been over at that site since shortly after its debut. When I started, I wrote legit reviews that informed. After a while, though, the rot set in and I left along with my reviews.

When I returned, I decided to write the anti-review. The reviews were sometimes satirical or parodies of other reviews on the site, but mainly they were just over the top, childish and aimed at the lowest common denominator. But whatever, I love them and now I'm passing on the ridiculousness to you. If anything, these reviews may just prove that music critics really may not be that necessary if at all. We all know the story of The Beatles and Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, et al, but you don't know my version of it. Until now.

A corny song that I love.

The title says it all. Now dig it.

The Fleetwoods - "Come Softly to Me"

Lou Reed - Quotes of Gold

Lou always says it best. Take it, Lou.

"Gimme an issue, I'll give you a tissue. You can wipe my ass with it."

"We were pretty bad, and we had to change our name a lot. We played fraternities. People would vomit on your amp."

"Dylan was never around for me. But he did have a nice flair for words that didn't mean anything. They were just marijuana throwaways."

"I enjoyed those shows I did in London at the Rainbow, but I kept thinking that Frank Zappa fell seventeen feet down into that pit. I hate Frank Zappa, and it made me so happy to think about that."

"Musicians usually cannot speak. That's why they communicate through their instruments. But Frank was one who could. And because music is pure, the musician is pure as well and when Frank spoke he demonstrated the power of purity. Who will do that now? I admired Frank greatly and I know he admired me."

"Everyone should have a divorce once, I can recommend it."

"This is fantastic - the worse I am, the more it sells. If I wasn't on the record at all next time around, it would probably go number one."

"Show me a journalist who isn't a whore and I'll show you a man."

"I created Lou Reed. I have nothing even faintly in common with that guy, but I can play him well. Really well."

"This waiter came up to me in a restaurant and said, 'Listen, I write songs, what do you suggest I do?' I said, '"Let me hear them so I can steal them off you if there's anything good.'"

"My current designation as godfather of punk is shit, ridiculous. I'm too literate to be into punk rock."

"A punk is a misplaced hippie."

"Nixon was beautiful. If he had bombed Montana and gotten away with it, I would have loved him."

"I don't smoke grass and I don't like things that everyone sniffs off a table. That's tawdry, it's so common. I like to play with my system, alone. I'm into drug masturbation."

"The nice thing about New York is that you're anonymous. I mean, who wants to be known?"

"I like my trash to sound better than anybody else's trash, because I make records to sell records."

"I wanna be black, I wanna be like Malcolm X and cast a hex over President Kennedy's tomb. And have a big prick, too."

"Not everybody gets the chance to live out their nightmares for the vicarious pleasures of the public."

"I believe in all things in moderation...including moderation."

"I really love the farm, it smells great."

"I don't write for a rock 'n' roll audience. I write for adults...who listen to rock 'n' roll."

"It's very hard to keep it simple."

"Who else could make a scooter hip?"

"I've had reviews that say, 'Why don't you just die?' and it hasn't seemed to make any difference."

"I can't do anything outside of New York. It's death."

"Fuck Radio Ethiopia, man, I'm Radio Brooklyn!"

"Nothing beats two guitars, drum and bass."

How to properly rate Britney Spears?

So Britney Spears has a new album out called Femme Fatale. If I was younger, this probably would have irked me and I would have written out a not at all well thought out rant against it. But this is counter-productive. You can see enough of such "reviews" for the album over on Amazon.

Which leads me to ask, how does one properly rate or review a new Spears album? If you look at the entire swath of reviews on Amazon, you'll see that there is no middle ground for the most part. The fans love, love, love it, proclaiming it to be the album of 2011 and Britney's best yet (undoubtedly something they say every time she puts out a new one), and the people who don't like her write one-star reviews and bitch about how she's phony, the music is all auto-tuned and overly processed and takes no talent, blah, blah, blah. There is truth to some of those accusations, but at the same time the venom is guiding the way and not an objective set of ears.

As I get older, I get tired of seeing the same rants of "Music ain't what it used to be!" Music is cyclical. There will always be wheat and chaff, and radio-friendly pop tunes that you can dance to will always be frowned upon because there is no "artistry" or "talent" that goes behind such work. But if that were truly the case, then the shit wouldn't sell at all, and Britney's fans would have all grown up and forgotten her. But the thing is, Spears gets new fans with every new album. New, young fans. And that's the key. The people working behind her know this, as does Spears herself. Hell, she wants to maintain a career. Not even Federline and going nuts in public could derail her, so why would she suddenly start doing confessional singer-songwriter stuff? Lindasy Lohan tried that on her second album and we all know how well that turned out.

I used to not like Spears as well. I mean, I still don't like her music, period, but I don't dislike her for it. She's made a fortune out of what she's done and she continues to do so, so something's working in her favor and it isn't just luck. No, she can't really sing, but that's beside the point these days. The decade will continue and new old trends will rise and fall again and someday this will all repeat once more.

No more Phil Collins (!)

So, Phil Collins' doctor has advised him to quit playing drums lest he loses all functionality in them. Instead of balking, Collins has decided to quit altogether. Good.

I mean, not good that the poor guy's hands are in such a shape, but Phil is one of those dudes who used to make pretty groovy music and then decided to slide into a pool of sap and remain there for the last couple of decades. Elton John is also guilty of this. Perhaps he'll quit soon as well.

But when was Collins at his peak? In Genesis? Probably. Suffice it to say that the guy has always managed to mix crap with cool in his solo stuff. As a kid, I found his cover of "You Can't Hurry Love" charming. Now it just grates me. But at the same time, his weirdo impersonation of Peter Gabriel on "Thru These Walls" from the same album is pretty damn good.

Then again, there was that whole horrid "Two Hearts" and the Buster movie, "I Can't Dance" with Genesis, and his complete humping of the suck with his Grammy (TM!)-winning Tarzan tune. Oh well, I'll still enjoy "It Don't Matter To Me" from time to time.

Was there ever a bigger explosion than "I Saw Her Standing There"?

Light fuse - get away.

As countless teens dropped the needle on Please Please Me in 1963, the end had arrived.

Track one, side one. "I Saw Her Standing There." That was it.

Since then, has there been anything that came close to exploding so perfectly, turning the black and whites into full-on beautiful, vibrant color?

"One, two, three, FAHHHHHHHH!"

It was rock and roll unlike any that had ever been. Not even the previous singles of "Love Me Do" and "Please Please Me" gave any hint that this was it. No looking back.

Lennon's driving rhythm. McCartney's furious and exciting vocals and Chuck Berry-swiped bass line. Ringo's propulsive drumming that was air tight. Harrison's tasty licks that should have taught Dave Davies a thing or three about making a ballistic solo without fucking it up, but didn't. And those harmonies. Pow!

Think of everything that came after that count-off. The changes the world over encountered. It can never be done again. It was bottled lightning and it struck vibrantly for a few more years.

That it still sounds that essential and joyful nearly 50 years after the fact is reason to never forget it.

So don't.

White People Fuck Up Black Music, Vol. 2

Listen to this:



Now listen to how it got fucked:



Thanks for nothing, Crew Cuts.

White People Fuck Up Black Music, Vol. 1

Listen to this:



Now listen to how it got fucked:



Thanks for nothing, Elvis.

Was the Cowboy Junkies' version of "Sweet Jane" the worst thing that ever happened to that song?

The Velvet Underground is my favorite band of all time. Lou Reed's song "Sweet Jane" originally recorded by the Velvets is my favorite song of all time. But I, like a lot of other people who grew up in my generation, first heard that great tune through the Cowboy Junkies' version of it that was a hit for them back in the late '80s.

It was OK enough, but when I finally got into Lou and his version via the version on his Walk on the Wild Side best-of, I was fucking floored. I was expecting that same laid back shit (which I'd later hear as originally intended on the Velvets' 1969 Live LP and was still tons better than the Junkies' take), but instead I got it as it needed to be. Rocked-up, serious, and indestructible.

But it was the Junkies' version that so many who weren't clued in to Lou came to know and accept as gospel. This belief may have been furthered when it was included in the film Natural Born Killers and its accompanying soundtrack. Reed has had nice things to say about the Junkies' take, but he's had lots of "nice" things to say about many bands and their takes on his music, so it's best not to always take what he says as gospel, either.

As for me, I don't think the Cowboy Junkies ultimately did the song any favors. The song is about Jack and Jane, not waitin' for Jimmy. Although, I suppose a super version would mash the two ideas together at last. Maybe someone's covered the song in such a way (I was planning to myself at one point but thought better of it). At any rate, let's take a listen to a couple dandy versions of the tune right now, won't you?

Me and "Louie, Louie"

Well, I suppose everyone's got their own story about how they came to love the rock classic "Louie, Louie" and this one's mine. So sit right back and read along as I read to you in your mind.

This is another one of those "When I Was Six Years Old and My Brother Brought Home an Album" story, except this time it's an 8-track tape and not an LP. Anyway, back in 1978 Animal House was a big smash hit at the movies and my older brother had procured the soundtrack to said feature on aforementioned 8-track tape. This was another one of those listening experiences that made me love rock and roll real early on.

I really liked listening to Sam Cooke's "Twistin' the Night Away" on there. But after a fashion, I began to take notice of "Louie, Louie" as performed by John Belushi. Now, since this was the 8-track version, the track listing didn't follow the LP's. On record, "Louie, Louie" came as track two after the "Faber College Theme," but on tape "Twistin' the Night Away" came second, and "Louie, Louie" was later on into the mix.

Anyway, I had no prior knowledge of the awesomeness of the history of "Louie, Louie" nor do I remember hearing The Kingsmen's definitive version of the song prior. A version that caused the FBI to open a case on the group and tune because so many outraged parents were apparently convinced that Jack Ely's garbled lead vocals were obscene. Fuckin' A, that's super awesome right there, and that happened all back in the '60s, mind you. That's rock and roll, right there.

But I digress. The point is, when I heard Belushi's version, I thought he was signing dirty lyrics, even though he wasn't. For your entertainment, here's what I thought John was singing:

I find a girl, she went for me
He get the shit across the sea
I said "Shit." all alone
I never think I'd make it home

Tasty, huh? But wait! I then thought Belushi was singing:

Three nights and days I sailed the sea
Me think of girl come to me
And on the shit I dream she there
I smelled the roses in her hair

Yeaaahhhh. And remember I was six years old, gang. And that's my "Louie, Louie" origin tale. Let's now dig that John Belushi version. May you hear it the way I originally did way back when.

Will Elvis still be relevant after all the old rockers are dead?

Who's going to carry the King's torch? Will it be you? I'm sure as hell not going to do it. But once the likes of Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Little Richard, Pete Townshend, and the rest of that old lot are finally dead and gone, who the hell is going to care about Elvis?

Seriously. The farther away we get from his explosion onto the rock world to his demise as a bloated Vegas also-ran, the quicker we are to forget. He's going to become that afterthought in the same way poor Bill Haley has become much of nothing in the eyes and ears of today's youth.

Yes, I'm bringing it down to the youth. When I was working not so long ago with a bunch of kids in their late teens/early twenties who would often spout things like, "I don't get the Beatles. What's so great about them? Their music isn't good." then I have zero hope for Elvis.

If anything, Elvis will continue to go down as a mocked, parodied, and ridiculed dude. And it's not as if his fans ever truly helped the cause, what with a million and one impersonators and folks who still flock to Graceland to see his tacky shit laid out like it was something truly remarkable. In this day and age of instant celebrity, Elvis is becoming more and more of a footnote. As in, "Oh yeah, that guy who sang 'Blue Suede Shoes' and liked pills." But hasn't that how it's been since the '70s?

So when all the old rock critics and musicians have dried up and blown away, we're going to be left with people like Bono to talk about, which is far worse. I mean, that guy has never done anything interesting. You need pills and a revolver, kids. A child bride and a kooky entourage who won't tell you your own shit stinks because its members like being on the dole. Go out to Vegas and die and leave a legacy that other people can cash in on with shitty little trinkets and other crap. That's rock and roll? Nah, that's just Elvis.

Another weekend, another podcast episode!

Yes, yes, it's that time again to visit Camel Ike's podcast page and pick up the new episode, or any of the ones that came before it. Dig it!

Another one for the kids.

Hey if you liked that last song to sing to the kids, you'll be sure to enjoy this one just as much.  Check it out!

"Rodney Allen Rippy's House" (sung to the tune of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin)

Let's go to Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
It's cool! Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
You'll drool @ Rodney Allen Rippy's house!
Yo, fool! It's Rodney Allen Rippy's house!

(c)2011 by Jason Thompson

Something for the kids.

Hey, parents, siblings, and babysitters!  If you're having trouble with crying or fussy kids, or just want to entertain them, here's a new lyric I've written that really wows them every time.  See if it works for you as well!

"Rip"

We're going to take a ride
So get those tires pumped up!
We're going to have some fun
Like you've never had before!

We're going to Rip Taylor's house!

Uncle Rippy will make you laugh and scream
He'll throw confetti all over you
And then almost lose his wig

We're going to Rip Taylor's house
Where the hell's Rip Taylor's house?
I don't care if you don't know
Who Rip Taylor is

(c) 2011 by Jason Thompson

"Rock and Roll"

"Rock and Roll"

Rock is
Getting your cock sucked
By a huge laser beam
While explosions and smoke bombs
Go off

Roll is
Seeing Rodney Bingenheimer
In denial
About his hair

Rock is
Slutty old '80s groupies
Still trying to get fucked
At the county fair
By the members of L.A. Guns

Roll is
Carnie Wilson getting naked
Post-op in Playboy
And no one caring
Then getting fat again
And still no one caring

Rock is dead
Roll is tasty

(c) 2011 by Jason Thompson

More Ark Music Factory "artists."

So after diving ankle-deep into Rebecca Black's abysmal "Friday," I had a look at the other silly little girls making "music" thanks to Ark Music Factory. The company's name is apt, as each of these songs is interchangeable with more than a couple featuring the "ARK" name intoned at the beginning of the fricking song.

Which leads me to ask, if you're the rich-ass parents of these kids sending them off to record shitty music in hopes that you can then ride their coattails to fame and fortune, why the hell would you pay to have a song written and recorded that does nothing but promote the so-called "label" (which it isn't) in the actual song? All I can say is please stop wasting your money, even if you have it to waste. Your kids aren't going to make it like this. If they have real talent, help them nurture it and encourage it, but don't go whoring them out just because the music business is currently in its death throes and will give head to anything with an auto-tuned vocal in it. That's part of the reason why the biz is in the shitter. But you wouldn't know anything about that because you're too eager to cash in your own kid's happiness for your gain. Fuck all y'all.

Anyway, here's four more terrible Ark products for you to compare. Alana Lee's "Butterflies," Abby Victor's "Crush On You," and Sarah Maugaotega's "Take It Easy." Then get ready to top it off with the frightening "Ordinary Pop Star" sun by CJ Fam. One of the YouTube commenters writes, "This is the next radio masterpiece. soon everyone will know of CJ's true skill. I have heard this girl sing live, she is no fake.  The real deal."

"True skill"? More like true disaster. Enjoy your parents' dementia, kids.

That whole Rebecca Black and her "Friday" thing.

I know. Another blogger talking about this chick who really can't sing at all and her terrible song that her mom lovingly got for her to record and the evil Ark music dudes who are going to reap the "benefit." Well, this isn't about all those things, per se.

What it is about is the video of Rebecca appearing on Good Morning America performing the song. And it's not so much the song I want you to focus on the people in her band and the dude who gives the high-five to someone off camera after the second round of "partyin'" or whatever the hell that bit is.

Was the high-five really done as some sort of gesture of "Yeah we did it!" mentality, or was it more of a "Yeah, I can't believe this garbage is really popular!"? Whatever the case may be, I seriously need to start figuring out how I can literally become famous overnight on YouTube and finally make my fortune.

Camel Ike podcast births again!

I'm a couple days late posting about it here. Yes, what kind of blogsmith am I, right? But, feel free to head on over to the Camel Ike podcast page for another groovy episode of music to dig. Rock on.

I have finally seen the worst movie ever.

People love movies that are so bad they're good. Two of my faves are The Van featuring Danny DeVito and nobody else and Stallone's Cobra, which has dialogue you can quote for years. I'll also throw in Vanilla Ice's abysmal Cool As Ice and From Justin to Kelly. These are the the kinds of bad flicks you can laugh at and enjoy.

But over the course of yesterday and today, I finally watched what I consider to be the worst movie I believe I will ever see, and it wasn't funny at all in a bad/good way. That it was supposed to be funny makes it even more painful. Ladies and gentlemen, I am speaking about the crap pile known as National Lampoon Goes to the Movies (a.k.a. National Lampoon's Movie Madness).

The culprit.

Now I haven't had faith in anything National Lampoon in ages. Would it be fair to say that European Vacation was the last truly funny film cranked out by said factory? At least I can say I grew up in a time when you could rely on the magazine still being amusing and getting to enjoy such flicks as Animal House and the first couple of Vacation movies. But this one was actually released in 1981 - straight to video - because the reviews were so terrible that MGM/UA didn't see any point in torturing the country with it.

Not good in anything.

So let me just list some of the things that are in this movie. Basically, the flick is made up of three short films, each parodying a certain genre. None of them are good or work. See if any of these items strike you as even mildly entertaining:

A guy makes his wife leave so they can both "grow." She becomes successful while he becomes a plant doctor and loses some of his kids along the way.

Gang rape by old dudes with sticks of butter.

A serial killer who leaves copies of his driver's license on all his victims' bodies.

Joint smoking, liquor swigging cops.

Robby Benson.

Henny Youngman doing his "Take my wife, please" routine yet again.

Rhea Pearlman in a cameo as a prostitute.

Peter Riegert having an affair with a 14-year-old Diane Lane.

Ann Dusenberry once again looking like a lost Gyllenhaal and wasting time in another "racy" flick.

Christopher Lloyd and Robby Benson singing "Feelings."

Richard Widmark cashing in with no payoff.

Oh, Robby.

I tell you, this movie is plain shit. I got to abuse myself with it thanks to it being OnDemand (TM). It was so bad I had to break it up over two days, and it's not even 90 minutes long. I literally fell asleep during the last 15 minutes or so. I thought I had seen bad National Lampoon flicks before, like any number of the one's they're still churning out these days, or even stuff from back in the '80s like O.C. and Stiggs, but this outdoes them all.

Not even Teresa "Goin' my way?" Ganzel's bare tits can save the day. And if anything, this movie solidified my belief that Ann Dunsenberry is one of the worst actresses of all-time. If you've never seen Basic Training, consider yourself lucky. That was another OnDemand disaster she was in. It also had Rhonda Shear. Ugh.