Holy shit, I'm alive.

I didn't forget about this.  I just let it go for the remainder of the year.  So what happened?

Honestly, I have no idea.  I enjoyed working on this thing.  Maybe it was one of those blog burnout things that happens every now and then.  Anyway, to bring you up to speed as to what's happened since June, I turned another year older in November and just successfully got through another Xmess.

That's about it!  Oh, I got laid some, too.  Go, me.  So anyway, yeah.  I'm starting this thing up again.  There's plenty more to say.  

Podcast is dead.

Yes, I killed the podcast.  No, I don't care.

Trout Mask Replica and Me

Let's get real gone, fellas.

I'm going through a Trout Mask Replica thing lately. It pretty much started when I noticed the rip I had done of my old CD copy of it a few years back had all sorts of crappy snaps in some of the songs. So I wandered over to iTunes and promptly bought the bastard again. Not that I minded since it's an album I can't do without.

I suppose everyone has their story regarding this work, whether or not they're a fan. I already covered my initial history with it right here in this previous post, so I won't go over all that again. I'm just not quite sure why the album has sparked my interest again so feverishly lately.

I was driving around yesterday with Beefheart's Strictly Personal album playing. After a bit, I shuffled the iPod to random stuff, not quite feeling any of it until a cut from Trout Mask Replica showed up. It was the only thing that was going to sound good. So I pulled up the album proper and started listening from "Hair Pie: Bake I" through "Moonlight on Vermont" to "Pachuco Cadaver" and then zipped up to "Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish" and "China Pig." It was as captivating as it was the very first time I heard those tunes.

So what's to say that hasn't been said? Nothing, really. You can listen to the songs and come up with your own conclusion. I remember writing a couple tunes back in my high school days and recording them with my friend Adam, telling him to play his guitar like they did on Trout Mask. I did my best to emulate John French's drumming style. But what we failed to realize was that The Magic Band had been rehearsing those classic tracks for months on end. Adam and I were just doing these one take things.

Just goes to show you what a moon can do.

Still, that's inspiration. I mean, if an album like that can make a person want to try and make music like that. Music, that, by and large, still alienates the public at large. It inspired me and my friends in all sorts of ways, though. I remember when I was a senior in high school our art class teacher, Ms. Caruthers, would often play tapes while we doodled away. Usually she made us listen to dreck like the soundtrack to Dances with Wolves.

I made a copy of Trout Mask Replica for my best friend Tom who also appreciated its oddball appeal. I told him to take it into art class, tell Ms. Caruthers it was the soundtrack to the PBS special The Civil War and see if she'd play it. Sure enough she did.

Tom and I didn't have art class at the same time, so at lunch I excitedly asked how it went down. As I expected, it didn't go down well at all.

"They turned it off pretty fast!" Tom told me.

He said that everyone just looked bewildered and in a last ditch effort to keep the songs playing, Tom exclaimed, "But wait! This is the part where they're rolling the cannons across the field!"

I was satisfied enough, knowing that these small town Tennessee hicks were at least exposed to "Frownland" and whatever else might have gotten played that day. That wouldn't have happened otherwise. Remember, this was around the time when Warrant was on the charts with "Cherry Pie." Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band must have seemed like a complete nightmare to those kids.

We also wound up shooting a couple videos to the Cap's tunes. One was just an extreme closeup of me trying not to crack up as "When Big Joan Sets Up" blared from my stereo in the background. I finally cracked and kept flashing the Trout Mask longbox in front of my face. After that there was another video, albeit for "Woe-Is-A-Me-Bop" from Lick My Decals Off, Baby. In that one, my dad's dog brought my friend Mark a magic coin that embedded itself into his forehead.

Suffice it to say Trout Mask Replica inspired and continues to inspire me in various ways. And really, I think that's the best thing about it. Because it's the sort of album that could inspire only the most creative types of stuff, really. Perhaps in another hundred years the thing will finally be certified Gold.

I Cannot Carve a Carver

"I Cannot Carve a Carver"

I cannot carve a carver
like that butter-tailed jack
Which you always yield
Marked like thatch
In a drain pool stem
Of oxen mice horse manure

Let it roll in custard
And the free treacle
Fallen on a plain
Like a sigh
Of rainbow dust in
A mastodon prison

You don't have to tell me
Sway the wicked way watch mine glow
Stay the over stay and zapped
The strapped amulet hither there
Neither where

May craft amuse you so
May abomination get blown
Fuses pustule of ardent maidens
Scissors sawing the chagrin
Flouted flatulence on burnt burgers
Withered toast
Hither there

copyright 2011 by Jason Thompson

As promised, new podcast episode is alive!

So I got off my lazy ass and produced this skizz for you.  Dig it and head over to Camel Ike's podcast page to get it. Rockin'.

Medicated Skin Flute

"Medicated Skin Flute"

I can't think about
What I was thinkin' 'bout
'Cause medicated skin flute
Got me down

You might have your
Razor day parade
But medicated skin flute
Entertains no clown

Think about the feeling
The grass and the lamp
The sweet ass and sunshine
How she got damp

Posted on a wall
For thems to retreat
Caught on a bush
Regular size feet

Medicated skin flute
Playin' a hap hap
Get up 'n dance to it
Your fingers magically snap

Breathin' on a Brawny
Cleanin' up the sticky pie
Entertain a fashion
Dappled apples in the sky

copyright 2011 by Jason Thompson

Yes, I've been lazy.

Yes, it's the middle of June.  No, I haven't put up a podcast this month.  No, I haven't been writing on here.  I've been terribly lazy.  I've been in the process of getting ready to move, getting ready for my kid to finally get out of school for the summer, and just enjoying my laziness.  It's true.  Sometimes I just don't care.  We all get that way, especially when we have a blog.  That is, when we have a blog that we don't get paid to upkeep.

But we should do it for the love of it all, I know.  But when you're busy all day with your regular job and you get home and night and just want to flake out eating and playing video games, sometimes the inspiration just isn't there.  Plus, I've been spending oodles of my online time over at Yahoo! Answers, which I know I said I'd be incorporating into here from time to time, which I still will.  And I will get another podcast episode up and all that other good stuff.

Look, all I really want right now is some good Belgian beer and a sexy chick to bed.  Is that so wrong?  My grandfather always told me I should find a nice red-headed gal.  I've never done this in my 38 years.  Perhaps I should.  So far, everything else hasn't worked out and the last date I went on, while nice, was rather devoid of anything when it came to intelligence on my date's behalf.  Sorry if you're reading this, honey, but it's true.  You are the definition of a dumb blonde, but you said so yourself.  I shouldn't have to walk through the zoo with you and explain what every frickin' animal is that isn't the goddamn polar bear.  Plus you're older than me, fer chrissakes.  You should know some of these things.

And yeah, it didn't help that you thought Celine Dion was good and that you pronounced "tarot" like you pronounce "parrot."  These things are deal breakers.  It might seem snobbish, but dammit, I know what I want, and someone who does those two things is not on my list.  So it goes.  I mean, you're divorced as well and your husband must have had some reasons to leave you.  Maybe those two weren't amongst them, but still...he left.

OK, this is getting off track.  But it at least brings the rest of you up to speed.  The bottom line is dating in your late 30s is rigoddamndiculous and no one should have to subject themselves to it.  But I try.

"Let me take this one, Don..."

Welcome to the newest soon-to-be regular groove of Camel Ike. For those of you who don't know, Yahoo! Answers is the place any one can go to and ask the public at large pretty much any question that is on his mind. However, the best thing about the site is that it's also a great place to troll and be trolled.

"Let me take this one, Don..." will be featuring some of my fave answers that I've given under the moniker "Handy Leatherette." I spend a lot of time over in the Paranormal and Singles and Dating questions because I've found these two to be chock full of opportunities to entertain and be an ass at the same time.

So let's kick things off with a question entitled, "Is the Gettysburg battlefield stilled haunted to this day?) [sic] The answer I gave was actually chose by the asker as being the best. This will undoubtedly be a rarity as most people asking the questions over there have no sense of humor whatsoever. So, let me take this one, Don...


Is the Gettysburg battlefield stilled haunted to this day?

Happy June/New Podcast Episode Is Alive with Pleasure!

Welcome to June, 2011, people.  To celebrate, let's kick things off right with a new Camel Ike podcast. I'm sure you'll find it groovy. We even gave Julian Lennon a bit of attention back. He's been needing it, you know.

Akoo is a wonderful torture device.

This is the shizz.

Next time you're at your local mall's food court, check to see if it has various tv monitors and the sound system hooked up to Akoo. Akoo is a video music service that allows you to use your mobile phone to text your video requests in and then see them get played.

Of course, the real thrill is setting up your own account at MyAkoo and making requests remotely. Yes, you don't even have to be at the mall to enjoy abusing the service. I routinely enjoy setting up a long queue of absolutely shitty country music videos that will be be played to the food court's patrons and hopefully ruining their otherwise joyful meals.

Now, when I'm actually at the food court, I take it upon myself to request things I actually like, which most of today's mallrats probably won't, so it's still a ton of fun. Anyway, give Akoo a shot and see what terrible experiments you can try out as well. You're guaranteed to at ruin at least one person's day with some crappy music, and that's always a good time.

In honor of the surviving members of Pink Floyd finally putting their arguments to rest...

Here's a lovely video of some dudes covering "Comfortably Numb," the likes of which you've never heard.  Or seen.

"Comfortably Shit" is more like it.

Two Legendary and Weird Rock 'N' Roll Moments

He had an idea.  Oh, yes.

1. Elvis Presley's "naughty first take" of "Blue Suede Shoes"

Elvis always had a randy sense of humor, and this was quite evident in some recent unearthed tapes of him recording Carl Perkins' "Blue Suede Shoes," which, of course became a big hit for him. But Elvis's first few attempts had him wanting to sing one of the lines a bit differently. The following is studio chatter between Elvis and the recording engineer.

Elvis: "Hey man, let's do something different with this one line."

Engineer: "Which one?"

EP: "Right here, where it goes 'You can burn my house, steal my car, drink my liquor from an old fruit jar.'"

E:  "OK, what did you have in mind?"

EP: "I thought it'd be better if I sang "Drink my pee pee from an old fruit jar."

E: "What?"

EP: "Yeah."

E: "I don't...I don't quite...'Drink my pee pee from an old fruit jar'?"

EP: "Yeah, man. Let's just try it. I wanna hear it that way and if it's no good we'll take it straight."

E: "All right...'Blue Suede Shoes, Take One.'"

And so Elvis runs through three incomplete takes of this version with everyone else busting out laughing every time. Apparently, Presley wasn't amused.

EP: "I don't know what you're laughin' at. This is probably gonna be a hit!"

Two more aborted attempts later, Elvis decides to record it the way it was written. The rest is history.

Sing about it loud and proud, Robert.

2. Led Zeppelin's sound check of "In My Time of Dying" in Chicago

Led Zep had been working and re-working "In My Time of Dying" for quite a while by the time this chestnut was recorded during a sound check in Chicago. During the big part where Robert Plant usually started his "Oh my Jesus" plea, this time he had a different idea.

"I'm gonna go for it all this time, Jonesy!" he says excitedly. Next thing you know, Plant starts chanting the following mantra, 15 times in a row:

"Oh my penis! Oh my penis! Oh my penis! Whoa my penis!"

This seemed more like something Jim Morrison would have done, but the band went right along with it, not missing a beat. After the song ends, Plant says,

"I'm all sticky. Yeah, groovy."

Weird.

Weird As Ever

My old pal Rollo Scarborough has recently opened up a new blog for anyone who's interested.  Because I'm groovy, and I pimp shit like that, check out Weird As Ever. Dig it.

Simulated Wood Grain Finish

This shit spread like herpes.

Kids today just don't know what they're missing sometimes.  I see the youth wax nostalgic for things like the '80s from time to time but they don't know the half of it.  The '80s were OK, I suppose, but nothing could beat the '70s and its fascination with "simulated wood grain finish."  A wood finish was the mark of having really made it back then, much more so than fine Corinthian leather or even a coke spoon.  No, man.  Wood grain was where it was at, and the best thing was you didn't even have to be rich to be able to afford its luxury.  Hence, "simulated wood grain finish."

TV manufacturer Zenith really stood by the simulation.  Hell, my folks had a big-ass Zenith color TV that came in a huge chunk of simulated wood destined to give everyone else on our street wood grain envy.  Even stereo manufacturers were getting in on the sexy faux wood action.  Lord knows all of this crap really went well with the vomit-colored shag carpeting and simulated wood grain walls we had in the den back in those days.

You could even wear it on your skull.

Some dudes even began sporting simulated wood grain hairdos.  Crazy, I know, but this stuff was blowing up and people were cashing in.  Hell, even auto makers were putting strips of the shit on the sides of their models to attract the discriminating driver.  You weren't anyone if your ride wasn't sporting some simulated grain, even if it made no sense whatsoever.

But my very favorite item that had simulated wood grain finish was the original Atari VCS.  Oh yes, I knew I was in the big time because my console looked like a fancy piece of furniture!  Screw Intellivision and ColecoVision and Magnavox's Odyssey 2.  Who cares which one had better graphics or games?  The Atari had the grain, baby, and that's all that mattered.  Of course, sometime in the early '80s there Atari decided to ditch the grain and go with a shinier black trim on the front.  It made sense, but it wasn't as swank.

The sexy beast.

Nowadays you can buy all sorts of cheap fiberboard crap (mainly at IKEA) that sometimes sports simulated wood grain, but it's not the same.  No one equates the stuff with awesomeness anymore.  You just look at it and go, "No, I want some real wood."  I can't blame anyone with this attitude.  I just hope it doesn't all make an ironically nostalgic comeback and begin getting popular with kids who shop at Hot Topic.  That would certainly signal the end of days right there.

Reviews from the Spark Plug - Bowie's David Live and Stage

David Bowie

David Live

Rating: ****

Probably the most infamous Bowie cover shot as it catches him in the act of cutting a fart at the end of "Rebel, Rebel."  I wish I had been there.  I've known some people who were and they said the fart was very audible over the P.A.  As if he wanted to be caught, you know. They said after he did it he kind of smiled and did this twirl and continued along like nothing happened.  But thankfully the music historians and photographer for this album have kept the truth alive.  I wonder what a cocaine fart smells like, and if you can get high from it. 

David Bowie

Stage

Rating: ****

Unlike the cover for David Live, the cover shot for Stage doesn't catch Bowie in the act of farting in front of the audience.  However, as every Bowie fan knows, the picture is a picture of him sweet talking a mother and daughter in the audience between songs (this bit has been infamously clipped from all versions of this album). The transcript of that dialogue is as follows:

Bowie: And how are you two tonight?

Mother: We're great!  So great to finally see you!

Bowie (to daughter): How old is she?

Mother: 17!

Bowie: You know, I've recently been cleaning up (crowd alternately boos and cheers), but one thing that hasn't cleaned up is my naughtiness.  Do you two fancy some "Sweet Thing?"  (crowd goes wild)

Mother and daughter unanimously:  YES!

Bowie: See me after the show then!

A yell of "I wanna fuck you, David!" comes from the audience.  David erroneously hears it as "Fuck you!" and shouts back "Eat it long!"  The band then tears into "Station To Station."

More podcast goodness.

Hey, hey!  Hoy, hoy!  There is a new podcast episode over at the Camel Ike Podcast Page Thingy. If you haven't subscribed yet, do it or you will have onion breath 4-Eva as the kids say. Whatevs.

Nazz 2.0

Why?

A few years back, former lead singer of fave late '60s cult group Nazz, Stewkey Antoni, decided it would be a good idea to actually bring the band back to the future.  Only problem was, he was the only one who felt this way.  The rest of the group, including cult-figure-who-still-had-hits Todd Rundgren were nowhere to be found.  Who could blame them?  Sure, fans of Todd's are also often fans of Nazz, but when the group was originally on the scene, they were but a blip on the overall radar despite very good reviews as well as albums.

But according to an interview with Stewkey, he had been wanting to redo Nazz for a while.  Health problems sidelined him, but eventually he got back and with a few other dudes in tow, started playing live gigs and trotting out old chestnuts like "Hello, It's Me," "Under the Ice," "Open My Eyes," and "Wildwood Blues" along with newer tracks like "Baby Godzilla."

Nazz 2.0 even went to some trouble making a short promo film to go along with their return:

Nazz promo (embedding disabled)

The big question to all of this is why? If you go to Stewkey's website, the last thing that happened was in 2008. Did the bottom fall out once again for the group, or was it just a matter of no one caring? Did Stewkey have humble aspirations or did he hope to take Nazz higher than before? How distressing is it to have been in a band that could have made it, and then left another band that later became Cheap Trick and did make it?

You got me.

Five Albums with Cover Art That Disturbed Me As a Kid

Fans of the vinyl LP often bemoan the fact that they no longer get a nice sleeve with big pretty pictures upon which to gaze when listening to new tunes. I can understand that, but at the same time I remember a few times when I was freaked out by an LP's cover art. Mind you, this was when I was a kid and my little mind was fresh for the taking when it came to rock and roll imagery I could never unsee. So let us celebrate a few of those examples now, which will undoubtedly be more amusing than wiggy.

Paul McCartney and Wings

Red Rose Speedway

I remember distinctly not liking this photo of Paulie with a big rose shoved in his mouth. I think it was also the expression on his face that to me looked like he wasn't enjoying that at all and may indeed be suffocating from it. Nowadays I find his mullet from this period to be more disturbing, with his wife Linda's even more so.

Nazareth

Hair of the Dog

This is exactly the kind of shit that can freak the mind out of a four or five-year-old's skull when they're gazing at it in full LP size.  Sure, from an older person's point of view it's just plain shitty, but this whatever-the-hell-it-is creature is the kinda crap that could jump out of your closet at night and make you listen to "Love Hurts" as it poked at your flesh with its pointy bits.   Not fun at all.

AC/DC

Powerage

I completely recall the first time I ever saw this cover.  I was a wee lad and was popping a squat on the toilet.  Somehow the bathroom door wound up opening and I looked out to my left into my brother's bedroom.  There in the dark, only lit from the natural ambient light floating in was Angus Young screaming violently in pain since his hands had been torn off and replaced with...wires.  Hmmm.  OK, yeah, well, it was the look on his face more than the wires that got to me.  Had I just gone in there and turned the album over to see the back cover photo of the band goofing off...I probably still would have been freaked.

UFO
Obsession

My brother had this one as well (actually he owned all of these except the last one in the list).  I would love just sitting and flipping through his box of albums and looking at the cover photos.  That is, until the one day this one showed up.  This fucking shit scared the fucking shit out of me when it suddenly appeared.  Why did those dudes have weird-ass silver balls covering up their facial bits?  Why was the dude in the back just standing there not caring?  Were they on a UFO?  Were the dudes in the front evil?  Were they going to hurt the dude in the back?  I didn't know and I quickly stopped looking at it.  Again, these days it just looks like shit.

Ozzy Osbourne
Speak of the Devil

I saw this one in a record store when it was new and I didn't like it.  I didn't like it when weird shit was coming out of dude's mouths.  I thought, "This guy must be pure evil."  Of course, this was the early '80s right before the PMRC came along and did indeed try to convince parents that dudes like Ozzy were not good for their kids.  Later on, I realized that he wasn't evil at all and made some groovy tunes on his own and with Black Sabbath.  It's still a crap cover, though.

New podcast episode is alive and well!

And so is this blog, dammit! Sorry, was bit of a wacky last week so the posts weren't as plentiful. Anyway, after a couple weeks out, there is a new Camel Ike podcast episode ready to enjoy. Lots of groovy tunes packed in there, so please dig it, won't you?

Lou Reed: Hater of Beatles and British rock in general.

Oh, Lou, how I love thee.  Your way of saying anything outrageous in a deadpan manner has always been your trademark.  Let's forget all about how you recorded your first three albums over in England and have also been quoted in regards to your love for how the Beatles wrote so many groovy tunes.  And how Bowie basically gave you a career.  You rock, Lou.